Maybe it was some part of her rural countryside roots that sought comfort in something which did not overwhelm her as much as the bustling, loud city which now bombarded her senses more than it ever has before... well, everything changed. As with most little girls, the blue-eyed blonde had always admired and been fascinated by horses. This was something that she hasn't outgrown, and it seems that even after her entire world has shifted, there was still that piece of her youth which clung so desperately to her wounded heart despite everything that was different now. Of the many fields and pastures within the borders of Willowhaven, there was one in particular that Beylani remembers as a child. Being rural farmland, many of the fields were occupied by cows and sheep, grazing lazily upon the tender grasses that grew upon the fertile soils of her hometown.There had even been one point her her childhood that her parents had taken to tending a small flock of sheep, though she seems to remember it as nothing more than renting out part of their ten acres for a few years to a good friend of theirs. But, a few miles further down the same dirt road from where her home was, there had been a field so much larger than her parents' ten acres, and as a little girl, she'd once thought that it stretched on into forever. Later on, she would grow to learn that it was only twenty acres larger than hers. But, to a much younger and brighter blonde girl, it was miles upon miles larger.

She remembers this place not simply for how large it was, but for the herd of horses that lived there. Each time that she would see it from the passenger side of her father's old ford pick-up, her smile would practically grow from ear to ear whenever she would see them grazing lazily upon those green grasses. There had been perhaps six of seven of them, most of them a bright chestnut, some even with white here and there. But, she remembers with perfect clarity the palomino stallion that on one spectacular occasion had decided to race along those white fences. How it had left her breathless, awestruck in every sense of the word as she watched him gallop alongside her father's truck, his creamy white mane and tail streaming behind him like proud white flags. He'd tossed his head before throwing his arched neck down and kicking up his heels before suddenly veering off and into the distance, back to where the mares continued grazing, hardly seeming to have looked up to watch the golden steed in his wild and spirited display. She'd named him that day, turning to her father in her seat with baby blue eyes glittering. King. Her father chuckled and asked her why it was she would name him that, and she knew with childish certainty."Because he's strong and brave and protects his herd. Just like a king", she'd replied then with all the youthful confidence that she has lost long ago. How the fae woman wishes now that she was as certain of the world as she had been at seven years old.

Now, she has lost any confidence she'd once had, as a child or otherwise. Even when she'd been human, growing up from a bright-eyed girl who believed with every ounce of her being that she would become one of the world's most well-known photographers to the less certain yet still hopeful young woman had seen much of that confidence change into modesty and an understanding that her dream was still so far beyond her reach that she might never get there. Yet, even with knowing that the dream she chased was one that would demand much with little to no reward for many years, Beylani still had hope that she would accomplish something in her passion. Now, she could hardly stand the idea of opening the dusty box in her bedroom closet and retrieving the camera he had given her as a gift and token - of apology, though still she wasn't entirely sure - nearly two years ago. Any capability to smile as radiantly as she once could has been completely lost, and now there is only the faintest glimmer of light that might touch her lips as she would offer a courteous smile to a stranger passing her on the concrete streets of Sacrosanct. She has never felt so lost than she does now. Nothing felt the same as they did before. Almost always exhausted from lack of a sound night's sleep, nearly overwhelmed by her undeniably sharpened senses in just about everything she did, how could she ever manage to have even the smallest sliver of confidence or hope that she would get this all figured out?

Baby blues watch as the stallion stops, and she is almost remorseful as the gathering on the other side of the field seem to be doing, well, something. She does not notice him, has only looked across the distance enough to see without completely seeing the details of the faces there. The chances that anyone she might know were next to none. At least, that was her original thinking. Entirely caught up on watching the horse and its rider, the blue-eyed blonde hadn't noticed how wrong she was. But she was about to find out. The rider dismounts and speaks with someone who is on the other side of the horse that she cannot clearly see. And, when the group disappears, following the man who is now leading the stallion towards the stables, she still doesn't fully recognize the man who is now - very purposefully - walking towards her. Should she leave? Was she in trouble? Had she missed a sign somewhere that said "No Trespassing". Almost immediately, she is unsure and unsettled, contemplating the possibility of just turning and leaving. And yet, the last thing she wants to do is be chased... So, heart racing within her breast, she forces herself to stay where she was. What was the worst that could happen? If she'd broken any rules, she would simply apologize profusely and leave then and there. Surely this man wouldn't be so adamant that he would call officers to escort her off the property? It was nothing more than an innocent mistake, after all. Something she seemed all too good at making anymore.

What she does not expect is for her to suddenly recognize the stern face once he is very nearly upon her. Her name on his tongue only confirms who he was, and now she somehow manages to feel a little smaller."Hello, Alexander. I... didn't expect to see you here", she says quietly, swallowing almost reflexively. His eyes that have always reminded the blonde of untamed ocean water sweep over her and she can't help but shift, slipping her hands into her pockets, unsure of what else to do with them at this point. She is uneasy beneath his gaze, but then again, she is almost always uneasy anymore... She notices his strong scent now, and it assaults her senses as so many things do now. Was he not human like she'd thought? She sees something she hasn't noticed before, and again swallows, but remains where she is. While she knows now that he is different, she is still so entirely new to everything that she hardly knows what any of it means. He speaks again, confirming her fears, and she feels so sheepish for having not known."Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't notice. I guess I just thought...", she stammers softly. You didn't think, you foolish girl. Suddenly, she doesn't know how to really finish her sentence in a way that would justify her negligence in not noticing that this place was not for the public. Has it ever been? She'd never really been here to the stables before admittedly, but all she knew was that she did not want to end up in Hyde Park, the place she once loved visiting but no longer could stand to.

"Is there something I can help you with?"... There were so many things she needed help with, and she was almost entirely certain that the man before her could see every single one of them. It wasn't hard to look at the young fae woman and see that she was struggling with, well, just about everything. Maybe the why's and what's weren't so easily visible there upon her face, or so she hoped they weren't, but that hardly meant that anyone who was familiar with Beylani couldn't notice she wasn't herself. Can you turn back time? Can you make me human again? Can you make the nightmares and the pain go away? There is a voice within her heart which so often aches to the point of spilling tears for seemingly no reason that is screaming, begging for so many things that she knows are absolutely and wildly impossible. She wanted so desperately not hurt anymore, to find her feet again. To find a reason, any reason at all, to smile... to feel like she was in control of her world when it felt as though it was running away with her and spinning uncontrollably without allowing her even a small chance to grasp onto what was important - how to live again. She feels helpless, struggling against the riptides of her fate that refused to let her swim up for air, and it was slowly destroying anything that survived her death."I'm... not sure", she says almost breathlessly after a long pause, baby blues dropping away from his oceanic gaze as she feels a knot beginning to swell and tighten in her throat.

She knows the words that slip over her lips, but what they're really saying is something different.

.......I'm lost.......