Always she had his best intention at heart. In her daily routine it was always scheduled in such a way that would please him. Over time she learned what he liked and what he didn't liked. It was rare that she would do anything solely for herself. It did not bother her at all when she did things Tobias wanted. Always she would be rewarded with that goofy grin, or the occasional silence that came with an affectionate touch, and even rarer an accurately said compliment. Even though she was aware that she had not been herself for quite some time she found it difficult to attempt to get herself back on her daily routine. It pained her greatly that she could not enjoy whatever new plan Tobias had for them. It sadden her when his visits became fewer, and fewer, terrified that one day he may never come back to their room. When he touched her she regretted flinching automatically, but when she tried to touch him she was furious with herself that she could not do it. He wasn't the only one that was angry at her. She was frustrated with herself and even though she attempted to explain to him her problem she could not reach him far enough to help him understand. This was beyond what he could know and she grew concerned each day she couldn't reach him. Deep down she wanted his help, but she was aware that perhaps...there was nothing he could do. Perhaps there was nothing anyone could do, but simply wait for time to help heal.

That he would not see her weak was quite an endearing thing. She was not as strong as the rest of her pack. She was a liability. Not only could she turn feral with no warning whatsoever, but she could not heal quickly. It was only a matter of time before something happened to the pack. There could be an outside threat be it with another Were like Frost, or perhaps the council of Dark Hunters would come and exterminate them, either way the pack was in jeopardy with her around. When the time came should she choose to run or help protect her pack she hoped deep down she would stay with them and not flee and leave them behind. Before Frost's attack she had been developing and sharpening her fighting skills within the ring while she tag-teamed with Tobias. Eventually it became one of their routines within her schedule. Each time she participated in a fight with him she would see the joy in his eyes when they won. Should Tobias have pride in her participation or admiration in her skills she did not take notice and he never did give her any praise. Always he was far too eager to brag about their win than give her a compliment on overcoming her own fears, perhaps if he had, then he may have taken notice how hard Raven tried to continue on after Frost's attack. She was not as strong as Tobias made her out to be, but his compliment in this moment was greatly appreciated, to know he did not see her weak was quite gratifying...if only she actually didn't feel so weak as she did.

Tobias may have not meant to harm her as deeply as he did with his words, but she was in a fragile state that now she was simply an open target. Tobias may have not noticed it, but she was completely aware with how others saw their relationship. She cared for the boy and was quite proud to actually have the ability to trust him as much as she did. For such a broken woman the fact she could actually trust a male, let alone always be in such a close proximity to him, was possibly quite a miraculous thing. She was a submissive creature, always following whatever crazy idea popped in Tobias' head, and yet after everything that happened his words seemed to have pierced through that shield of acceptance. Ever since Nadya had become pregnant and Tobias was given the silent treatment by their Alpha Raven had been at his side, providing him the attention he desired. She had not voiced her opinion on the matter, but now she felt that she needed to. It was not like her to stand herself to full height. When Tobias stood at full height she did not flinch away or lower her head. Instead she vehemently said aloud what she thought and what she went through, aware that he may not catch on or understand, but each time she let out another problem she could feel the weight on her chest start to loosen. It was not her intention to harm him, or worry him, but she knew she needed to say everything aloud.

It is when he yells at her to shut up does she shrink back. Never before had she heard him speak to her in such a way. Perhaps she deserved to be reminded with how she was treating him, but lately her emotions had been unbalanced. Nervously her hands clasp together as her fingers nervously twist and turn. She never meant to make him angry or upset. All she wanted to do was say aloud her problems, but not in such a way that he would be completely irate with her. Whenever he got mad Raven always corrected him for using a softer voice, reminding him that yelling never does any good. Taking a lesson from her own book she would gently explain to him her feelings softly and through colors hoping perhaps not only would he understand, but so she could attempt to soothe him over. Already she began to lower her head in a submissive behavior hoping that this would help pacify him. This apparently was working, because when he spoke again his voice was much softer as he held his hands upwards. Silently she watched him tilting her head to the side in a curious manner attempting to try and understand. Why he says her name and Nadya's name and the phrase 'not two' she did not understand and so she blinked at him.

She was trying to understand, she was trying to fill in the pieces that he could not, but she struggled. His mention of them not being together causes her right hand to lift up and touch the side of her neck where he had bitten her the very first time he declared her as his underneath the rain. Her eyes closed as that particular phrase burned into her mind, her entire world crashing before her, unsure with what to say or do. She was so very sure that they had been together even when he had been with Nadya and yet time had gone by, what was done, was done, and neither one could change it. It is when he apologizes does her eyes flash open and her hand drop to her side. Unaware that Tobias had received physical punishment after apologizing. Tentatively she steps closer to him completely aware that he was like a ticking time bomb. Even though he looked away from her she reached out for his hand, holding it gently as her thumb rubbed over his knuckles, her voice barely a whisper as she provided the boy a positive response when one apologized to the other. It did appease her with his apology, that he did not intended to have kittens was true, but that he was taking responsibility for his actions was something that should be admired and accepted â€" not ignored or thrown away.

"Thank you for the apology."

Tobias may be completely unaware with how others describe him or how others speak about him, but Raven could not block these harmful words. Always she was concerned with that they said about him. They said he was stupid and yet she knew he was brilliant. He acted differently, but she did not see anything wrong with it. She remembered very well that when they were out in the East together, him sitting on the street, he asked her to help him, to help him see and understand, and she swore she would. Every moment she had to show or teach him was a chance for him to see she could keep her promise. Deep down she wanted to help him in any way possible. He may not know it, but she defended him each time someone said something degrading about him. But over time she could hear their harsh whispers start to be addressed to her and her actions and she could not turn it off â€" she had no one to defend her so she ignored it as best as she could. But hearing their harmful phrases over and over again, their harsh words began to slowly embed into her deeper and deeper over time. She took their verbal abuse, pleased to see that they had slowly stopped verbally abusing him. It did not help that one of her weakness was being far more aware of others strong emotions and all that negativity addressed to Tobias or herself was slowly becoming far too overwhelming to handle. Letting go of his hand as he turned around she nervously twisted her fingers together once more. It is the sound of that rare, warm sounding tone that makes her blue-grey eyes widen in shock. His question completely took her off guard as she felt her stomach drop and her heart stop beating for a moment.

The broken girl had fallen for the demented boy. Over time she had grown quite affectionate for the boy and it wasn't something anyone could claim they could not see. Swiftly she walked around the boy until she stood in front of him again, her head titled up slightly as her soft golden-brown curls flowed behind her shoulder exposing her neck and the mark he had placed upon her as a sign of his ownership and the beginning of their relationship. Not wanting him to look away from her she gently placed her hand on either side of his face, blue-grey eyes met those dark eyes flecked with that rare golden hue that belonged to his other half. Gently her right hand stroked the side of his face, as her fingers pushed some of his dark hair out of those eyes. She was afraid to give him her answer, afraid that he may not understand or even reciprocate her feelings...aware that he was a creature that was still learning about emotions. Raven was not sure if this rare side of Tobias would still be around to hear her answer or that Tobias' other side would understand, but she knew this was her chance to come right on out with her answer. Gently she speaks with a warm and honest tone, her voice entirely assured.

"Because I love you Tobias â€" I love both of you. I could never do any better, I could never have better, because I already have better â€" I have you both."

Quietly she stares into his eyes, hoping, praying that both sides of Tobias understood...that there was an individual that accepted him â€" both of him. To some she was stupid to love a man such as Tobias, and yet, she did not care. She took their verbal abuse and used it to help fuel her desire to do whatever she could for Tobias so that he could prove everyone wrong. Blue-grey eyes did not blink, not for one second as she continued to stare into his eyes, the girl was longing to hear his answer, hoping that perhaps somehow he understood...and felt the same way. Gently she would take her hands away from his face as she guided her hands towards his arms that were folded against his chest, gently she would pry his arms and unfold them, holding his hands. She liked the feeling of his rough calloused hands into her own and she wanted so badly to hug him, but she was aware of his own limitation on acceptance with touch. She didn't mean to hurt him so much as she did. The last thing she ever wanted was to hurt him.

"I am sorry I yelled at you. I am sorry with how I've been lately. I'm trying to get better Tobi."

She hoped he understood that she had feelings for him. She hoped he understood that she in no means wanted to do anything that would hurt him or upset him. Both are exhausted and both are strained with the lack of their typical routine. Every couple has their ups and downs and this was one of those moments where they were allowed such a thing. In this very moment she craved his touch, she desired his presence much closer to her now than before. She had just admitted her love for him, and for any girl, it was a scary moment, but deep down she was happy she did it. She just hoped that Tobias understood â€" that both of them understood...and they both felt the same way too.

I'd Rather Feel Pain Then Nothing At All

Raven