each day i am haunted by the feelings of others and each night i am overwhelmed by the feelings of her .

i guess there really is no rest for the wicked.

i was a queen once, honest i was. i didn't believe it either when i had the first memory attack. thought it was black magic, thought it was just a nightmare, but the memories just kept coming. she was more formidable than i, the girl i was before. she was strong and fierce, murderer of her husband and ruler of kingdoms far more vast than these. i don't know why i'm not like her, well me, who i used to be. im softer, like a fragile porcelain doll, full of do many emotions i can't even decipher which one's are truly mine. it doesnt help that every so often the queen from before threatens to break free and expose herself.

i swear she is like an evil twin, stuck inside of me. I still cannot fathom that she is me and I am her.

complicated I know.

i can feel the loose rocks from the street press into my back, bringing me back to reality. the cool night air is refreshing to my face, the moonlight shining down on me like a lover's gaze. i've stopped counting the stars by now, it doesn't help me sleep. she threatens me most in my dreams. i sound depressing, literally, as if my life is this pathetic reoccurring theme of tragedy. i promise im not always like this, i just haven't been myself lately.

a sigh and then a breath, and i allow my eyes to drift to a close. my hand idly trails along my partially bare stomach, fingers writing love letters to no one in particular. if a car came, i would move, maybe. then again i wonder if i let it hit me and if i die, would i gain yet another life? oh no i don't think i would care too much for that, then I would be haunted by two me's instead of one.

still, as i hear a car turning into the street i lay in during this interesting 3 am moment i am having, i find i have yet to make a move to get up.

COLUMBIA de LÉVÊQUE

but this time, it did not return to him