Remembering was what had made her hurt beyond anything she'd ever imagined she might feel, made her run as far from the city - and the hazel eyes she couldn't help seeing nearly everywhere - as she could manage. There was so much that lingered in her heart and inevitably found her during those fickle moments of relatively quiet slumber when she wasn't trying to avoid the nightmares... so much in fact that she was certain no amount of wine or trying to keep herself busy would ever actually allow the fae woman to forget. Wasn't that part of what falling in love did to someone? She'd seen it in plenty of movies and television shows where someone was always trying to forget the one that made them smile and feel as light as a feather. She'd seen tears cried in heartache, in anger, in betrayal. And yet, what was not shown in all those moments crafted from anything but reality was that there was no forgetting everything. Over time, some of the memoires had faded. A few of their conversations had lost the words to moving lips and perhaps there were some lost pieces that had blurred enough with time that they were like frosted glass, ever existing and yet too far from the fingers of Lani's mind to bring any small amount of clarity to. Those vague moments were few and far between, making the blue-eyed blonde clearly all but successful in forgetting she'd tried to. There was no un-remembering the way they'd danced in that snowy world as that wonderous music of the Winter Solstice Festival enveloped them, his strong arm around her waist and his calloused hand holding hers. She could, after all this time, still remember how the fae man sounded when he'd laughed then. It hadn't been that familiar, deep chuckle so often accompanied by a nearly devilish simper nor was it like the subtle growl in his voice when he'd say something daring so that the warm pink flush would color her fair-skinned cheeks. No, it had been genuine, warm, effortless laughter that rang out that afternoon as they danced to the sound of fairie music. She'd wanted so much to hear it every day for the rest of her life then...

And yet, in the very same moment, remembering was also what somehow had her sitting here at this table with the one she'd been trying to run from both figuratively and literally. It was the crashing waves of every still-clear memory between them which had her staying there with him when such a large part of the fae woman wanted to run and hide from the world again... just as she had been doing for the last two or three years. All she'd been doing was trying to hide, trying to run... and so far, it only seemed to bring her back to the city and, as it would seem, back to him. It was safe to say that she truly had so terribly little to show for her efforts, for all the nights spent in softly sobbed tears, begging and pleading to the stars that she'd be able to forget him so her heart wouldn't hurt anymore. But, then again....wasn't the camera he gifted her still sitting in that box in her closet, folded so carefully into the fabric of the black dress he bought for her on her birthday? Wasn't it Lani who had chosen to save that picture of him lying there on her futon with the first light of sunrise kissing his face and dancing softly in his dark hair? It had been the very last memory of the fae man that the she had, the perfect reminder of the very last time her heart had been whole and so very full of love. So, really... perhaps she only had herself to blame for the memories that made her very soul ache. In the end, it had been the blue-eyed blonde who allowed herself to foolishly believe that he might love her back, and even more so her own fault when she'd let Dorian's words one afternoon so long ago in the seaside bistro give some false sense of reality to the very possibility that he cared for her in the same way that she did him. All that time, there'd been that voice of doubt trying to instill in Lani some amount of common sense, screaming for her to wake up and realize that she was only creating a fantasy that would only promise to end in tears and heartbreak. And, now that the the fog of anger and pure grief has since ebbed away, she finds herself thinking on those harder nights that, maybe if she had listened, none of this would have happened. Maybe she'd still be human. Maybe she would have managed to consider him nothing more than a friend. Maybe she could have been happy just spending time with him and never daring to let herself get swept away in his hazel gaze or the simper he so often teased her with.

Maybes. That was all she ever tried to tell herself these days, but she knew that all the maybes in the world would never take back what had been and what now is. An infinite number of maybes would never be enough to convince the fae woman that she wouldn't have just made the same mistakes. Whether she should have or shouldn't have, she had loved him.

She's aware of the way that he watches her, almost carefully, and though this was far from an unfamiliar look, she wonders what hid there beneath the mask he wore so easily. Did he ever think of the Winter Solstice Festival? Had he kept that scarf she'd made him just as she'd kept the things he'd given her? Did he remember their kiss in the hot springs on top of that lodge tucked away in the realm of Insomnia? Or had those moments once so precious to the fae woman been banished to the past, perhaps even lost amidst any other... fancies he may have had since last they'd seen one another? Had he thrown away that scarf? She wants to remember the grief that might have been there once when the blue-eyed blonde had laid there in his bed, reborn and lost in an endless, raging sea of heartbreak, anger, and shock. How much she wanted to know just how little - or how much - he had actually cared for her, even though she was in the very same heartbeat absolutely terrified of the answer she might be given. Forcibly shoving away those thoughts and memories that again are attempting to shatter the already cracked and faltering wall she'd tried desperately to build, the blue-eyed blonde takes another sip of the wine, both entirely aware of the danger she chose to try and drown the gossip and heartache in and unable to think of anything else to do about either of them. This was just another moment in the life of the fae woman where she felt hopeless and helpless, grasping for control of the world around her and failing miserably. No, no one ever really had control of the world around them, but most were often able to cope with the events that arose - some easier than others. Unexpected things would happen, that was just how life worked, and that couldn't be clearer than it was today when Lani first saw the fae man sitting there outside the very bistro she'd been at for a job interview. However, the difference was that most didn't have to hear every whispered word of interest or judgement, didn't have to focus on just trying to breathe so that it all didn't come crashing down over them. And, while ten bottles of wine still wouldn't quiet them, at least she might not care so much about how foolish or out of place she might look.

And so, she dares to indulge in the dark red drink steadily emptying from its glass. They were nothing more than complete and utter strangers. Why should she care what they thought? It wasn't like they'd happen across her as a waitress here. She always knew that even if by some way of a miracle the owner did call her back and offer her the job, she couldn't take it now.

His words, however, stop that glass from reaching her lips once more, eyes like clear summer skies widening in surprise. Of all the things that could have been said in response to her admittance that she was in fact jobless and searching for something to do with her excruciating amount of free time as of late, the very last thing she might have even considered possible would be the fae man offering her a job. What could she possibly do for him, for Somnia? Finally managing to take that halted drink from her wine glass that was now empty and having Lani consider another, she sets the glass back onto the table between them. She knows that the obvious thing to do would be to politely decline. She could hardly remember where a portal might be that wasn't in his townhouse. And, even if she did, to step back into Somnia.... to see the snow, the village that once felt so much like home, to see the lodge and the cabin nestled in the woods not far from it all, it was asking for that weakening wall of hers to just cave in on itself entirely and let everything go. She wasn't ready to make an absolute fool of herself in front of her ex almost-lover.... But it's not like I'm in a position to say no. After all, it's just a job. Nothing else... It takes a moment for her thoughts to stop swirling, baby blue eyes fixed upon his of hazel, as though searching for any sign that he wasn't serious, yet, this was hardly something the fae man would not be serious about."I'm not sure what good I'd be, but if you can think of something, I'd be glad of the opportunity", she says then, almost surprised in every sense of the word. In a world of magic, what could she ever hope to offer that might be worthwhile?"I'm pretty good with an espresso machine, but not much else", she remarks, a weak smile finding blush-colored lips as she laughs half-heartedly, attempting to make it all seem like a simple, casual conversation that didn't have the fae woman inwardly trying to make sense of what was happening.

The hushed voices that start to whisper again have Lani swallowing uncomfortably and again, she finds herself reaching for the bottle. What was one more at this point? Long, dark lashes blink over baby blues and stare at the wine as it slowly fills the glass, setting it back down and hardly hesitating to take a sip. She's aware of his gaze, watching her, and as she dares to glance up at him, the blue-eyed blonde could almost think she saw concern there... but she just assumes it was courtesy more than anything else. The conversations shifts away from her and to that secret place where so much happened, how she was welcome to come and go as she wished, and it very nearly has her saying 'it wouldn't be the same without you there with me', but she miraculously manages only a wistful look at his words."It'd be nice to see Ida again. But I'd hate to impose, especially if things are... busy right now", she replies almost breathlessly. Oh, if the fae man had any idea of just how much she wasn't saying, how much she wanted to say but couldn't... perhaps he wouldn't have extended that invitation. What would he think if she'd just showed up on his doorstep? Or if he were strolling through the village and saw her there like it was where she belonged when Lani could hardly believe such a thing? She takes another sip of wine."Besides, it's been so long... I can't exactly say I remember where to go to get there", she adds after a pause. It was a genuine confession, though perhaps it almost sounded like an excuse to the fae woman not to visit Somnia. Maybe it was just because of the wine. Maybe it wasn't... Ah, but there's that word again. The only portal she remembered was the one inside his townhouse, and the odds of Lani just waltzing up to the fae man's door, knocking, and asking to visit the village like nothing had ever happened between them was, well, unthinkable. While she wouldn't want to make anyone feel as uncomfortable as she did nearly every day, she also just didn't think her heart could handle it.

In all reality, Lani was afraid. She was afraid that, in visiting Somnia, she'd let herself think that everything could be different than what they were now. It was foolish to even dare to believe that there would ever be anything between them. He proved that when he left her apartment the morning after he'd stayed the night. Never again....

Lani places her order with the waiter then, only just catching the fae man's surprised expression and returns to taking yet another sip of her wine, allowing for the long-forgotten haze beginning to numb her senses. It was almost... blissful. She couldn't remember the last time she couldn't hear so much, even if still the gossiping women were close enough that it didn't completely drown them out. And, while she was almost entirely certain that her cheeks were flushed with the aftermath of her decision, she found herself caring just a little less. If anything, she'd just stay here until the intoxication faded and she was sound enough to walk home. And, if it was dark by then... well, she'd just take a cab. The last thing she would ever do is walk home in the dark... But it was the sound of his voice, no, the sound of her name on his lips again just as he once used to say it that has her gaze flickering up from the wine glass back to his. The fae man is leaning back in his chair again, and there, the simper that haunted so many of her thoughts flickers across his face. His words have her gaze locked onto his, and she almost doesn't hear him, so focused on the sound of his tenor tones instead that she isn't exactly sure what he means... until there is silence for a fleeting moment, followed by a wild explosion of clattering of silverware, the crimson spray of wine droplets, and shrieking voices, Lani very nearly startling as the women practically leap out of their chairs. The commotion brings multiple waiters over as they work to try and calm the screeching women, but as Lani looks back to the fae man, dark laughter falls from him as he meets her gaze again, shrugging and offering words enough to tell the fae woman that he'd resolved the issue and given their remaining onlookers something else to fuss over. Unbidden and hardly aware of herself, Lani stifles her own laughter as baby blues watch the fae man wink... at her... just like he used to once upon a time, and she smiles back."You haven't changed even a little, have you, Andras?", she asks the fae man, only just realizing that his name found her lips for the second time. It seemed almost as easy as it once did, before, well, everything changed. But, then again, perhaps it was just the wine that made it feel so... effortless. Probably."Even after all this time, you still look like the same man that indulged me with a snowball fight once upon a time", she says then, baby blues soft for a moment as she remembers...

It takes a moment before the fae woman realizes what she said, but she's a little too far into the wine to say that she wanted to take them back... or, perhaps, they were but a drop in the ocean of all that she wanted to say. After all, it was harmless, wasn't it? Remembering a time that was no more? It wasn't like she was saying she missed what they had. At least, that's what her hazed thoughts convince her of.