if these wings could fly for the rest of our lives
Abigail had most DEFINITELY never ever ever EVER considered how the King across from her had sex with his husband. Prior to now, she had never even known such a thing was possible! Surely it wasn't! The very last thing she had been prepared for was the detailed information of where Dorian put his....you know what! Abigail could hardly help the way her eyes widened, the girl certain, absolutely CERTAIN that things were definitely not supposed to go there! She was, admittedly, hardly attentive to just how much she was staring at her companion until a distinct reddened hue crossed the Italian's usually pristine cheeks - the presence HIS embarrassment only making hers worse ALL over again! It took her a moment, admittedly, to make her brain function enough to stutter out the singular word that lingered most potently - why? WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?! It was...sort of...sensible...anatomically, she supposed, though Abigail still wasn't sure she could imagine anyone consenting to that. The very notion that it felt good equally as baffling to her. How....did that...feel....good? A hint of suspicion crossed her fair features as she eyed her companion wearily. "It...does?" She questioned, that uncertainty altogether clear within the depths of that soprano voice, though this was hardly the only question that so settled on the forefront of her mind. After all....there was still the matter of Arlo putting his hands in...places they definitely should not be!

How...baffling it was to Abigail that Arlo too sought some of these mythical good feelings that Dorian spoke of - the kind she had most definitely never contemplated her body capable of having. What did it even MEAN?! To 'feel good'? Those words seemed to reverberate within her mind and quickly she began to realize everything seemed to focus on that. Why then, was she so taught NOT to do things that were good?! Was this like if you ate too many sugary treats and you got a stomach ache? Maybe sex was one of those okay in moderation things? Abigail's features seemed to shift with each thought that floated across her mind, changing from a look of horror to confusion and finally, an almost curious contemplation. It was those thoughts that wholly occupied her mind - such as if it was maybe okay then to let Arlo's hands be in places she wasn't sure they were supposed to be or maybe she was then okay to touch him or why letting anyone touch her somehow meant she was so entirely unwanted) - and, in the end, Abigail found herself merely echoing back that word with a hint of uncertainty.

Dorian's continued definition of that word drew the weight of her hazel eyes upwards, her head tilted inquisitively to the side. "But...foreplay....doesn't mean we're going to have sex...right?" She inquired, slowly putting all those pieces to this SUPER complicated sexiness dance together. At least...she thought she was, before he mentioned positions and methods. Say whhhaaattttt??? A clearly baffled look crossed her features as she inquired after both. At the very least, the concept of...positions...made sense, even if her school had never taught her there was more than one way to have sex. Well...really, they hardly even taught her that. But these....methods...they were far more confusing, unless that pertained to the way Sebastian and Dorian...did it (gulp!). Attentively, she watched as Dorian's now far less flushed features frowned in consideration of just how to answer. That idea that she needed experience at sex made the poor girl stare blankly, at least until the mention of toys. Toys? Toys sounded fun! In fact, her features brightened at the very idea of how much fun she could have with that! They could play with legos! Or rubber duc -- oh. Not those kind of toys? That once delighted glimpse upon her features quickly degraded into one of utter confusion. What sort of....toys...were there just for...intimacy? Where there 'sexy' legos? Maybe they were legos all in red. Red was a sexy color, right? Or maybe it was like Twister where you took your clothes off? She'd read about that once in one of those Cosmopolitan magazines. "Is that...like a sexy version of Mancala?" Abigail inquired quite before she could stop herself, even if she hadn't the slightest idea of how one sexified Mancala...or Twister...or really any toys or games for that matter!

Despite all those queries the girl had about sex in itself...and the act of doing it...there was still one question that lingered most potently upon her mind...one that she almost feared to breach as if the very questioning of her upbringing might cause God himself to smite her down. Although she understood, to some..vague extent...why Arlo might have wanted such intimate activities, Abigail could hardly let go of that idea that doing so with him would make her one of...the undesireables. Her question of why seemed to prompt a silence within her companion - this was apparently a far more...difficult query to answer. The hazel hue of her gaze stared attentively at her companion as Dorian started, his voice momentarily failing him to those inward thoughts before the Monarch attempted yet again.

Abigail had, admittedly, come to expect that the idea of saving herself was one of far more cultural significance, after all, she had witnessed first hand how liberal couples were with their affection in even public spaces. Her head bobbed in ready agreement as Dorian spoke of the ideals of his own age, those notions so closely mirroring that which she had been raised upon. It was that notion of modern times, however, that prompted a pause within the young woman. She supposed the...idea of that...closeness was nice...she certainly trusted and cared about Arlo enough to desire such a level of...opened sharing that she'd witnessed between Dorian and Sebastian and yet...how much she found herself stuck between those conflicting ideals! For several long moments, Abigail was silent before her lips parted, her voice just slightly above a whisper. "Dorian...I...I don't know what to do. I know Arlo really really wants to have sex and....that whole being close to him and romance and love sounds..really really nice but....I was told I have to wait until I get married but you said that's not modern anymore and I know I'm not going to go back to Nepal and Sacro is....very modern....I don't know what to do." That frown upon her features was altogether visible though it seemed distinctly out of place on the usually cheerful girl's features. It wasn't often that she found herself utterly...lost. She was quiet for a moment, before the rest of Dorian's words sunk in, albeit it belatedly. "....how is someone good at sex?" She asked abruptly, the very query suddenly sparking a whole new fear she hadn't even considered yet. If Sebastian was really really GOOD at it, what if she was really really BAD at it?! Would Arlo still love her if she was AWFUL?!