Brown eyes never leave Cole's as he holds my wrist, his caress sooths me a bit, but it was likely going to be a long time before I really got over this night. It did help to make me not feel so alone in the darkness, the part of Cole I knew was still there, that part of him that loved me, and I felt myself almost smile...almost.

The look on Cole's face when I reach down to him, is not what I had hoped. He stands up then, and I hold my ground, hoping he won't turn away from me, but he does. I let my arm swing to my side as he shoved my hand away, my heart sinks and I feel the darkness creeping up around me again, alone. A flicker of anger burns in me, how dare he still act like this? He has no right to treat me as if I've done anything wrong. I have no words for him though, because they all feel too charged, and too inadequate, so i simply stand there quietly staring at his back, my heart racing again. I start a little when he finally speaks, my nerves raw and expecting the worst of everything. I stepped towards him then, feeling desperate for him to understand, and to not be angry with me. "What if she's still alive..." The thought of her laying there bleeding to death strikes me to the core, and I shakily speak again. "We can't just leave her!" I don't mean to, but I yell this at him.

The sound of him growling again tells me he's made a decision, and I wrap my arms around my stomach, feeling vulnerable and unsure. When he turns around, I want to feel relieved, but there is something about him that leaves me feeling targeted. "I do.." I mumble the words softly, the only reply being the sound of Cole moving off towards the forest, towards the scene of which I was about to face...but could I? I move slowly behind him, walking around the truck and watching him pick up the pistol. The sight of it makes me inhale sharply, and I look away, squeezing my arms around me as if the cold had suddenly broken through. I don't look again, not until I hear him moving forward again. This time I have to walk faster to keep up with him, not wanting to be left behind in the darkness alone.

When we arrive, I move slowly, my feet dragging against the soil. A huge part of me was fleeing already, I couldn't do this...I couldn't see her. Maybe I could just ask Cole to check if she was breathing? But...what if he lied? Maybe we could just leave...go to New York and start over in the big city? As if on autopilot, I feel myself reaching out for Cole's hand, taking it gingerly and stepping down beside him, in front of the woman on the ground. I put my hand over my mouth and gasped back a sob of horror. She was motionless, a pool of red washed into the river beside her, and I knew at once that she couldn't still be alive...not with that much blood loss. My legs went weak then, and I went down against the bank side, one arm gripping at the loose plants, my other arm wrapping around my waist again as a sob broke free. All I could see now were the ties on her arms, deliberate and planned...it brought the act into focus and I realized how precisely intricate Cole had planned this, it wasn't just some accident or flare of emotions, it was planned.

"You really think she's some monster? She's just a woman Cole, she looks harmless!" Again, I am yelling without meaning to, but I just can't hold it in.