Yes, there was no denying that she was struggling. Whenever she would watch the sun as it slowly began to set somewhere beneath the city skyline, there was always a sense of dread that seized the blue-eyed blonde. When once she hadn't minded the curtains in her apartment being pulled aside so that she could see the lights that would begin to illuminate Sacrosanct like the stars in a clear blue-black sky, flicking on almost one by one, she now ensures that the blinds and curtains are all drawn over those glass windows before the last of the dying sun vanishes. Once, she somewhat enjoyed watching the more nocturnal lifestyle that would begin once the sun went down. People still walked the streets, the roads were still clamoring as the tides of traffic carried on, though perhaps not as heavily as it did during daylight hours. There were evenings, when a summer night was still cool rather than smoldering with the lingering heat left behind by an almost sweltering summer day, that Beylani would take a cup of whatever drink she was enjoying and step outside to enjoy it. Before, she hadn't been petrified of what the shadows might have been hiding, though she was always taught as a little girl to be careful when wandering around in the dark. Back in Willowhaven, the nights were so beautiful and serene that it had become increasingly hard for her to not want to indulge in an evening stroll beneath the starry night sky. However, nights in Sacrosanct were so very different. One had to be wary of their surroundings so much more here. It made sense, considering this world was almost infinitely larger than her small hometown. But nothing and no one would have been able to fully and entirely prepare the young fae woman for exactly how... dangerous these city streets were.

And yet, even shutting those thin, cheap blinds and pulling white curtains over the windows to her apartment where the outside world continued to stir, there was little comfort to be found. Why? Well, while she could keep out strangers and any who might have the intention of harming her as the vampire and the fae man did nearly two years ago, she could not shut the door on the nightmares that hunted her slumber - what little she could get anymore. No matter how desperately she tried, she could never hope to forget the memories both heartwarming and heartbreaking. There was no door strong enough for that which was not made of tangible things such as flesh or any substance. She relived those days spent locked away in a cold, empty house. She can still so vividly remember the grunginess of those stark white walls, the stiffness of the old mattress she'd sat on for an unknown number of hours where she would stare out the barred window and to a world which she hadn't been certain knew whether she was missing or not yet. Her stomach remembers the twinges of hunger, starvation kept just out of reach so that the blue-eyed blonde might finally escape from what felt like her new eternal reality. Her eyes remember the sting of those tears that didn't seem to stop falling, soaking her hair and clothes. Her lungs cannot forget how her last breaths had been spent pleading with Cass, begging him to let her go, promising that she would never utter a single solitary syllable of what had happened in that old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but untamed fields and forest. Her slender body could not forget the strength of her captors' hands around her arms as they forced her down those ominous stairs into the cellar, nor could it forget the pain and the stilling cold afterwards.

But, for all those times that she has relived her last days, her death forced into her sleep a thousand times over as Cass's face lingers over her with such wickedness and cruelty plastered there within his dark gaze, as much as she struggled with what she was now... somehow, none of that broke her time and time again anywhere near as much as the fae man she wanted to forget most of all. She never should have let herself fall for him, those predatory hazel eyes and deep tenor tones that had once been the one and only thing capable of sending her heart racing wildly within her breast. Just the remembrance alone of his hand so gently brushing against the soft skin of her cheek as he whispered her name was enough to have her vision blurring and every beat of her heart hurt more than the last. She tries so hard to believe that, if she could reach into her heart and tear out the moments where he'd smiled affectionately down to her or when he would offer his arm to her as they strolled through the small village nestled between the snow hills of Somnia, she would. And yet, there is a box gathering dust on the top shelf in her bedroom closet with that camera he'd gifted her and the picture of him pretending to be asleep on her living room futon as early morning light filtered through the living room window and caressed his face and danced within his dark hair. Still, his jacket hands neatly behind that same door, and there is never a moment when she is looking for her own clothes that Beylani cannot see it. So many times, she'd reached out a slender hand timidly with the wanting to remember what it felt like... only for the blonde fae woman to quickly pull her hand away like it had been burned by the heat of a fireplace. She would be fighting back tears, very nearly ripping off her own coat off its hanger beside his jacket and close the door.

His scent has her rigid and almost statue-still for several of the long moments as she tries to make up any reason that someone else might have that same scent... other than facing the possibility that it was in fact the fae man who haunted her waking moments, the only one capable of having her breaking almost instantly with even the faintest flicker of a memory when she tried so hard not to. Maybe, if I just wait... it'll fade. But, it doesn't. No, instead, it becomes stronger. Her heart is hammering, and she knows that she doesn't want to turn around, doesn't want to see him standing there... or is she's simply trying to convince herself she doesn't want? Slowly, she turns, and there he was. Her breathing she'd been trying to calm and control is now coming quickly, though she does her best to keep the rise and fall of her chest subtle. Long lashes blink over baby blues that are wide in disbelief. Once, her heart would have leapt and a smile would have danced across blush-colored lips at the sight of him. Now, there is only every emotion of anger nearly drowned in surprise, confusion, heartache, and uncertainty that is swirling like a tempest within her gaze that meets his own wary hazel depths. She is almost lightheaded as she becomes overwhelmed, all while a knot in her throat dares to choke her. She knows that tears would follow quickly, and she didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't even want to see him at all. Even if she also still does... Her name on his lips only leaves her breathless, but out of grief rather than love like it once did."Andras", she breathes as she takes a step back, her voice nearly lost and almost fleeing from her entirely. Every ounce of strength she'd left her apartment with abandons her right then and there. She tries to swallow the tightness in her throat, but she failed.

In that moment, everything comes crashing over her like cascading water, cold and unrelenting. She wants to hold fast to the anger that once held so tightly onto her heart in that large room of his as she awoke to find her entire world in ruin. Beylani is nearly lost within the gales of her thoughts, questions setting fire to her soul as it shattered into pieces around her all over again with each one. Why was he here now, after all this time? How did he know that she was here? What did he want with her? After their fight, when he'd told the fae woman of the fate that befell her, she'd been so certain that would have been the last baby blues would see of him. She'd refused to see him after that, locking herself away within the confines of her cabin where she'd thought no one could hear her screams when she would wake in the night drenched in sweat, tears, or both from the nightmares and terrifyingly fresh memories which have now become deep scars haunting her still. Someone once told her that they would fade with time... but, as it turns out, nearly two years was not enough. Not even close. And, when she'd manage to flee from Somnia without Andras knowing, Beylani had believed that he would not come looking for her. Why would he? It wasn't as though he loved her. If he'd loved her, then why would he have said those things the last time they'd been able to be together and she'd sought shelter and strength in his embrace, desired the taste of his lips and the warmth of his breath against her skin? Why would he have pushed her away? Why would he have very nearly snarled at nothing more than what had once been fanciful thinking? These questions, they are like one blow after another to her heart, all the anger, pain, heartache, and fear threatening to push her to the very tears she fought against.

The fae man shifts uncomfortably, something that was far from the suave and confident creature she knew him to be, but she can hardly think of that now. Instead, she can feel the tightness building in her shoulders under the relentless tides of her emotions that do not let her come up for air, to catch herself, and that is when she knows. Not now, not now, not now. She can feel the burning of tears that threaten to show as he speaks again, those deep tones all but helping Beylani in this moment."I have", she answers almost less than a whisper. Her mouth feels dry and her chest aches. She wants to demand of him why he was here, but she cannot grasp the words, and she fears that if she does, what was left of her hold on the storm within would be lost and she would crumble in front of the last being she wanted to in this moment."It was... good to... see you again, Andras", she stammers finally, turning from the fae man and making her way towards the corner she can see ahead. If she could just slip into a utility closet somewhere maybe, get to some place that was quiet, where she could try and quiet the storm raging behind now glassy baby blues that are so frighteningly close to spilling every fragment she felt. Surely there had to be a dark corner nearby... She tries to steady her breathing again, and she does not know if it was the brisk pace or the loosening threads of her self-control as blurred vision darts around to find anywhere that would get her away from the sea of people that swarms the city center. Maybe she shouldn't have come here. All she knows is that she can't seem to catch her breath,that it feels as though she was drowning. Perhaps she should have dared to venture back to Hyde Park instead, a place she'd sworn off altogether. She hadn't known he would find her here, though. But, then again, didn't he always seem to know where she was? Would it have even mattered if she had gone to Hyde Park, or even the old cafe she once worked at? Likely not.

Keep it together, Lani. At least, until you can find somewhere quiet...