Even after all this time, in the two years (or was it almost three now?) that she had been living since her life had both ended and begun anew, she was hardly comfortable with anything anymore - especially herself. The very heavens knew how much she'd pleaded with them to let her feel some sense of normalcy. She'd begged them to give her a chance to feel like the Lani she had been. Sure, she hadn't really been the most confident then, but was any twenty-year-old every genuinely and entirely certain of themselves and their decisions, made and soon to be made? Still, even in her most timid moments, at least she'd been somewhat certain of where she stood in the world. She had been human>. If one were to take the blue-eyed blonde woman and place her in a sea of people, there was no doubting that she could easily disappear amidst those faces. She had been used to it, though. She had been almost glad for how little she went noticed by most except for when she'd sought out their attention. All too easily can she remember the times when she couldn't hear a casual yet perhaps somewhat enthusiastic conversation from the other side of a restaurant. Now, when she wasn't entirely focused on keeping those heightened senses locked down as much as she could manage, it felt like she heard everything. The lightest drop of a pen, the quietest conversations clearly meant to be private... the overwhelming roaring of nearly every nearby vehicle that traveled the bustling city streets... it didn't matter. It was as though she could hear it all, and each one crowded her mind and made it feel like there was no escaping. And the scents.... they were just as overbearing for the fae woman as the sounds if she was not actively trying to ignore them all. When she had been human, the different scents of perfumes and colognes were typically pleasant. Now, if she was not careful, they would swarm her, leaving her feeling almost dizzy. Now, she avoided using her once-favorite laundry detergents and fabric softeners, now seeing the appeal in those fragrance-free brands.

As if simply knowing she wasn't the same wasn't enough, she struggles nearly every day just trying to survive the creature she is now.

Once, she had hated him. At least, that was what her mind told her the feeling was. And, then, she'd been more than happy to believe that it was hate that drove her to those sleepless nights, the tears she'd so cried without no apparent end in sight until finally exhaustion overtook her and uneasy sleep enveloped her for a short while. Maybe telling herself that she hated him had been some sort of coping mechanism in dealing with her utterly shattered heart. Betrayal had been rooted there, too. It was just as easy to remember their fight, the way he had refused to see a future for them for even just a small moment as it was to remember the way he'd kissed her for the first time under the stars of Somnia in the hot springs on the roof of that magical and certainly unforgettable lodge tucked away in the snowy wood not far from the village she'd loved with every part of her. And, yet, was it not her fault entirely for falling in love with the tall, dark, and handsome fae man she finds herself standing before now? Hadn't she been the one who let those fantasies so creep into her thoughts more and more until she'd foolishly allowed herself to have the smallest flicker of hope that just maybe, he loved her back?"Andras fancies you, it is plainly clear, though whether he has stated his affections yet or not, I can hardly say".... She remembers these words given to her by Dorian, a dear friend she had fled from in fleeing from all that was Sacrosanct when her entire world had fallen apart beneath her feet. She'd played them over and over and over in her head, and she'd tries searching for where she'd heard them wrong, misunderstood them. Or, just as he had played with her heart, she is convinced that he had played a trick on Dorian in such a way that had one of the very few friends she'd made upon moving to this city which seeing the same things she'd once seen as well. She'd told herself that it had only been the High Lord's charms that deceived both Dorian and Lani. He had been... more than convincing on a number of occasions, this being only one of many things she'd told herself just so that she could try and get over him.

Yet, for all the points and arguments she'd made with herself... she never could hold onto that lie, that belief that there had been true hate in her shattered heart for the fae man she couldn't seem to free herself from no matter what she did or how she tried.

Thankful for the neutral and seemingly safe topic she'd chosen to pursue after what had felt like an eternal struggle just to find something, anything to him, she can see the fae man straighten himself. A subject that had to do with them directly, it was almost as though she knew it would have the best chance and easing them into some sort of conversation. Even if she felt herself so terribly close to fleeing from the watchful eyes of complete strangers. However, she does not expect it to touch all too closely to something she'd once let herself fantasize of. He accepts her neutral remark with a dip of his head then, his reply does little to shed any light on if it was his own or not. But, again, she pointedly shoves away the thought, even in the wake of that pride and excitement flickering across that familiar mask of his. All she can manage is another weak yet polite smile. How different it was from the bright one she once had... They are both settled - or more less - now on opposite sides of the table, the blue-eyed blonde hardly missing the way dark hazel eyes study her for reasons she is uncertain of, but she tells herself it is nothing more than observing that she was in fact dressed for the purpose of convincing someone in this city to give her an occupation. Goodness knows she needed something to keep her busy, even if it was also to afford living as she was trying to. His inquiry is casual as she pours herself that glass of mistakes just waiting to happen if she was too careless."Well, I had hopes for this place, but it's just as unlikely as the interviews before", she says then, a note of resignation upon those quiet words."It'd be nice to help pay some of the bills sooner rather than later...", she gently mutters, though mostly to herself than anything else. In fact, she hardly realizes she says them allowed until they've already been spoken as she's trying to ignore the whispering women on the other side of the fae man, clearly trying to understand why she was the one the handsome man was spending time with.

Maybe, if she drank enough, she could actually manage to block them out entirely... Although, she knew entirely too well that only trouble could come from trying to drown it all with wine. She'd likely find herself saying something, any of the real thoughts that she was trying to keep hidden away.

She watches the fae man pour his own wine, baby blues almost seem to search his face for something not even she knows, reaching to take a drink of her own before he begins to speak about that very thing that existed between only them now. She knew it would be another conversation that neither of them would be uncomfortable talking about. How funny it was, when those mutual things could be spoken of and yet those very emotions and past aches still go untouched, even as they writhe beneath the surface of her neutral expression, until... she remembers that sparkling white snow. There has been so much taken from the blue-eyed blonde woman that fateful day so long ago, but her love of the snow was one of the small fragments of her humanity that she'd managed to keep. Warmth finds that small, weak smile now, even daring to reach her baby blue gaze that very nearly seem to glisten and there is the faintest glimpse of the Lani that had been lost to the world."How I do miss the snow there...", she remarks so very wistfully as she takes another sip of that wine."I'm sorry to hear that, though. I hope it doesn't last much longer", she adds simply then, the warmth from her smile fading like morning dew as she resumes that neutral expression. She was afraid to allow that wistfulness, to feel that warmth again. She was afraid that it would somehow reignite those memories flickering like embers and bring them to the forefront of her thoughts. She was afraid of the pain they'd bring with them. And, if they did, would she be able to keep herself from breaking all over again, this time in front of him and any of their remaining spectators? Likely not. The fae woman has had more than enough unwarranted attention today to last her the rest of her immortal life.

Reaching for her wine again, the only readily available distraction she has right now, she brings the glass to blush-colored lips, taking another drink, dark lashes blinking over eyes like clear summer skies as they look back into dark hazel.

The waiter returns, asking him if he was still deciding on what to order, and that's when Lani realizes just how long she's been sitting here with him. Hadn't it only just been a moment or two? Or, has times once again managed to slip by without her knowing? Maybe they were just that efficient. Then again, she has no idea how long the fae man had been here when she found him. Again, she is surprised by the invitation he extends to her, and for a moment, she is speechless. Lani had hardly intended to spend this much time sitting here with the fae man, sharing a meal couldn't have been further from what she'd imagined. The last meal they'd shared having been with her parents... She could excuse herself now, tell him to enjoy his dinner, that she should really be getting home before the sun started setting..."Okay", she answers, entirely surprised at her reply, but quick to only just manage regain herself. What were you even thinking?!, she chides herself silently as baby blue eyes take quick glance at the menu in front of the fae man, hardly knowing what she wanted."I'd like just the French onion soup, please", she says in soft, kind words as she looks to the waiter her writes down her selection before looking back to the fae man just as expectantly. All this time, she had been certain that there would never be another time where they would see one another, let alone share a meal. The very idea had been enough to have her heart aching and again she is left trying to understand where this could lead to, almost drowning in those anxious thoughts that threaten to overwhelm her, asking herself if there would be any consequences in staying, whether or not she should have just politely declined like before. Lani sits there in silence now, finally at a loss for what to say now, even if her heart was very nearly screaming with the countless things that it wanted to let go of.

All she had expected from today was to go to an interview, look for another "wanted" sign or two, then go home. Not this.... whatever 'this' even was.