I almost decided to run from him the moment we got away from the dock. It's so hard to think when he just keep slamming his hooves against the concrete like someone put hobbles on his legs to make him step higher. He's acting like a child having a temper tantrum and I end up putting my hands over my ears a few times and groaning to myself. I figure saying something to him will just make him continue or do something worse so I end up trying to deal with it. I can feel the heat coming off his body even from up ahead, my back feeling like it's about to break a sweat. He has to be doing this on purpose. Is this my punishment for making him leave the fight? I saved him! His temper must be reflected in the heat. I guess he doesn't know when to quit fighting most of the time. Such a guy thing.

I hear his continuous snorts as he thrashes and paws behind me but I refuse to give in and turn around. I will not give into his petty tantrums by letting him know it gets to me even though it's all I can do not to curl up into a little ball and cry right now. I feel the weakness deep in my gut, eating me alive. Today has been a truly traumatic day. I lost my best friend, probably two friends since the other tried to shoot at me. Tetradore was never really in the friend zone but he certainly was a friendly acquaintance before today. Now he probably hates me too and it won't be long before Nadya finds out of my "betrayal" and comes to hunt me down, I'm sure. I feel lower than dirt, smaller than a grain of dirt. And HE's the one complaining? Makes me want to throw something at him or clip his fur when he's sleeping. I do finally have to give in to turn around because I have no clue where he lives or where to go to get there. There's nowhere else for me to go so I have to rely on him, no matter how much that makes me hate myself.

He stops and pricks his ears at me and for a moment, I think maybe he's going to soften up, but then he just flings his head clearly telling me to keep going and I scowl. "Whatever....ugly mule." I mutter the last words in my own internal anguish as I turn back and cross my arms, continuing to walk as told. I turn down a street, noting the dead end to which I bite my bottom lip and start chewing on it as I contemplate where to go from here. But then I sense him shifting behind me and knowing that means he probably won't have clothing, I keep my eyes carefully averted and in front of me as I walk. I start walking toward the last house, sure that he's going to correct me or something but I gasp as he walks past me, my eyes automatically traveling down at the obvious nudity of his body before I blush crimson and look away carefully. I look up only when I hear the click of him opening the door, parting my lips to ask if he even lives here before I see him walk in and grab for a pair of jeans that obviously fit him so I close my mouth before I make an idiot of myself. I would say he does.

I avert my eyes as I stop on the step outside, giving him room to slip the jeans on before I slowly bring my gaze back up to him only once I'm sure he has some measure of clothes on. My cheeks are still flushed but I manage to compose my expression. I take in the beauty of his eyes only for a second or two before the hair falls back to cover them and I scowl automatically in my disappointment. Now I really want to clip his hair while he's sleeping, if only to get a better look. His words don't make the scowl go away however. So bossy. My shoulders tense in rebellion even as I step through the door, arms still crossed as I step right up to him, reaching behind me as I never break eye contact to shut the door with an audible snap behind me. I watch as he turns away to look around, tilting my head to wonder at what he's doing before I awkwardly follow him into the next room.

My eyes widen though as I step in and see the shelves of books. My lips part in fascination and awe. Reading has become a quick obsession for me ever since Raven started teaching me and nothing is too boring for my taste. I like to devour whatever I can get my hands on. My fingers are already itching to grab the first one I see and tear it open but I tighten my jaw stubbornly and turn my gaze back to him, not wanting to give him the luxury of seeing I like something that goes along with him. I catch a faint whiff of someone familiar and my heart lifts if only a little. Claire...I can smell her. I wonder how the other fox has been doing. My eyes brighten at the concept of seeing her again, only glancing over to see him sit in a chair but the instant the command leaves his lips, the jaw tightens again and my eyes narrow in chalelnge. But now that I've learned a little pet peeve of his, I plan on using it to my advantage. Anything to get under his skin.

I cross my arms again and stand there, the refusal in my eyes obvious which I'm sure gets to him but there is a flicker of something like concern when I see the twinge of discomfort. He must still be hurting from the fight. A part of me wants to say that he deserves it but I know deep down that I don't want him hurting, no matter how much I hate him. I glance down, noting the red of blood staining his jeans and I remember the bite Tetradore gave him. My lips twitch, my gaze lifting back to his when he speaks. An idea sparkles in my eyes like diamonds as my voice turns a little teasing. "You mean you CAN control it? How fascinating. I guess it's the least I can do then." I move smoothly toward him, turning myself at the last moment and plopping myself right across his folded legs, squirming until I get comfortable somehow even though it's all I can do not to bolt back upward.

I know this is not like me at all but I remember well how he almost flinched from my touch on the dock. He doesn't like being touched and I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only uncomfortable one here. My jaw sets stubbornly, determined not to show my utter disgust in this moment as I lower my hand to his leg. I close my eyes, both so that I can concentrate on nothing other than healing his wounds and so I don't have to see just what may be lurking in those violet eyes of his now that they'll be right up and close. Maybe he'll be just as disgusted as I am. I'm not sure I can take that sort of rejection even if I want any range of negative emotions from him right now. I can feel the power of healing energy moving through my hand into him and I know that it shouldn't take long since none of his wounds are exactly fatal. I can feel myself growing a little weaker and more tired by the minute but I know I can handle it.

I can hear his words though even through my concentration and my lip twitches then sets in a tight line. "You're wrong." My eyes fly open, knowing that the healing is pretty much complete and I dare to turn my head until we're eye to eye. I can taste his breath and I'm almost surprised to find it's not all that unpleasant. I almost thought his breath would smell like dung or something. Still, I muster up the strength to say what I need to say. "Raven is not a mangy dog and she cares about much more than herself. She cares about her pack or she wouldn't have been patrolling the borders. She cares about me or she wouldn't have stayed with me when I was in that alley. You're the only who doesn't care about anyone but yourself. You only want numbers for the power that having a pack gives you. You could hardly care about Claire or anyone else if it wasn't for that. You want to know why I saved you? Last resort. That's ALL you'll ever be to me."

My voice only grows in strength and sharpness, the last words practically hissed at him before I get up and move away to the nearest book shelf, letting the anger leave my body as I exhale slowly and roll my shoulders. I hate letting him get to me like this. I bring my hand up, letting my finger gently rake across the book spines as I scan through the titles even though I'm mostly concentrating on listening to whatever he's doing behind me. I have my shield glimmering on the edges of my subconscious just in case cause I know I'm still expendable to him. Why shouldn't I be?

alexis wilde