For the past few weeks she had hardly wanted to do anything. Who could blame her for going through what one would presume is her selfish cycle. She was not one to be selfish. Rather she was quite a giving creature and if one truly understood what was going on with her in lament terms they would call it depression. Frost's brutal physical attack did more than just put the girl on the brink of death. His attack affected her mentally. The trauma had awoken some of the dark memories she had locked away behind a door in her mind that must never, ever, be opened. Yet his attack seemed to have been the forbidden key to unlock the door and she was overwhelmed by the memory of pain she had endured within her former pack. At that time there was nothing she could do and so she suffered quietly hardly thinking she had a chance to get out of her position. Frost's attack had proved to the girl that she was nothing more than a helpless creature. Those dreadful events that had occurred had shown she was an actual burden to her pack. These dark thoughts and more were constantly swirling around her mind, those negative sickly voices affecting her greatly. She slept for most of the day. She barely stepped out of their room. Each time Tobias came and offered her food she would either take a nibble and give him the rest of it, or simply ignore it and not think of it. Tetradore was giving her space and Nadya was nowhere to be seen. Serafina had come, which was quite a surprise, and although she was grateful for her presence she couldn't completely remember the entire ordeal. Even Azrael had come to help her, and all she could remember from him was barging into her room and taking out her pack before he helped her. Only Tobias was constantly trying and although she appreciated it greatly she still didn't have the urge to actually get up and go out. His prying had lessen and lessen over time and for a moment she assumed he had simply given up on her, and once more, those negative thoughts began to boil in her head. Whispering to her that she was weak and that he would not want to be with her anymore.

It was typical to find her sleeping in the bed. The mattress was getting a rather large dent in it from her weight being constantly on the same spot. Tobias had urged her to go in the hammock with him, but the support for her sore limbs and broken ribs was needed, and only a bed could suffice such things. Most of the books that were cast aside along the floor or on top of the bed cover had their backs worn and torn. The girl spending most of her time sleeping, reading, and occasionally watching daytime television. The game shows were always her favorite and she was sure that she could enter one and win. As she slept all she could see was darkness. The sound of Tobias entering their bedroom and dragging a huge box across the hardwood floor went unheard. When she felt some weight on her shoulder she would slowly uncurl herself and roll around and blink a few times to see the goofy grin of her determined companion. Slowly she managed to pull herself in the up-right position as she leaned herself against the pillow and headboard. She offered him a small smile as she wondered why he looked so pleased with himself. Tilting her head to the side as he did his grand gesture to stared at the box inquisitively. Slowly she leaned closer to the edge of the bed and began to unwrap the box that held Tobi's illegible scrawling. Her eyes would widen in surprise and amusement at the tawny faux fur fabric. Gingerly she picked up the hideous jacket. All she would do was sit there quietly with a grin, her hands petting he jacket as she inspected the colorful pockets. Carefully she would place the jacket in her lap pondering if she should wear it in front of Nadya, just to know her reaction, not caring if it would be a comment of approval or disapproval. Pink lips would pull back to reveal her teeth, a genuine smile, as she turned her head to see the boy that hadn't given up on her yet. Quietly she listened to his explanation on to why he would choose and create such a jacket, her eyes looking at one of the books she had rather enjoyed. Not knowing what to do or even say she would lean in his direction wrapping her arms around his slender waist as she buried her head in his chest. Muttering softly her voice much lighter than before.

"Thank you for the coat Tobi, I like it."

She knew very well he wasn't familiar much with hugs and yet she didn't mind giving him a hug when she felt it was appropriate it. Being this close to him actually felt quite right and it made her feel much better. They were always close and yet physical contact had become extremely rare almost non-existent. Sleeping by each other's side was one thing, but actually promoting physical contact was something the girl had unknowingly needed. Gingerly she would let him go and simply lean her shoulder against his own as she gave a heavy sigh. Her hands gently stroking the jacket in a thoughtful way. Though when he began to explain why he had given her a jacket in the first place she looked at him completely baffled. It was summer time. This was in no way the time to wear a jacket that could cause her to get overheated. Tentatively she grabbed his hand and enclosed her fingers into his own and she shook her head throwing him a bittersweet look. There was a reason why she kept herself within her bedroom. It was safe. The Ark was safe. Frost could not come in. She could rely on Tetradore and Tobias for protection. She knew she could help out, if needed, but she was sure she would just get in the way, believing she was nothing more than a burden. The very idea that she could be attacked if she left the Ark was so very real to her and she didn't want to have Tobias go through something like that again. When she was awake and aware of her surroundings during the aftermath, she had noticed how angered and frightened the boy looked, even if he didn't know the proper word of the mixed emotions he was feeling. Never did she want to hurt him and she felt it was her entire fault that he was experiencing such negative emotions. Calmly she spoke slowly as those sadden blue-grey eyes shifted to meet his own dark gaze.

"But...I don't go outside because I don't have a coat...I don't go outside, because I am afraid Frost is nearby. I don't want to get that badly hurt again...I don't want to make you angry or hurt. I promised you I would never hurt you...remember?"

With a heavy sigh she would shake her head, those golden-brown ringlets covering the side of her face for the moment. Getting attacked by Frost and getting herself hurt so severely was the cause to her promise being broken. She was not one that would break promises. To her they were as sacred. Never before had she wanted to hurt him, but as she thought about this terrible mistake she made the realization that she had made others. For the past few weeks she had denied him what he wanted. Each time he came to feed her or give her a sugary treat she did not take it with much delight. When he brought her his newest toy she would half-heatedly play with him. When he offered her the chance to fight in the ring she firmly said no, not caring that it was a word he despised. Indeed she had become selfish, but she had lost interest in such activities due to the depression. Nervously she lifted her hand and gingerly stroked the cat charm that had always settled against her neck, her mind wavering, pondering if everything she had done was pushing him farther and farther away. There would be a time when maybe he would give up on her and she didn't want that at all. Turning her head to face him her dismayed gaze would be his own as she spoke her tone laced with sadness and regret.

"I haven't been a good girlfriend, have I? I am sorry about that Tobi, I'll try to be."

I'd Rather Feel Pain Then Nothing At All

Raven