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It was times like these that made him wonder just how old the petite vampire was. He could sense her power and that she was much older than him but of course that wasn't something most vampires shared willingly and it was almost considered rude to ask. It was obvious that she'd lost her humanity somewhere along the way though. Either that or she turned it off completely. He enjoyed being able to be the monster he knew he was deep inside though. It helped curb his appetite for when he had to behave himself around Isolt. In some things, he could still feel compassion for humans, but only certain ones. Maybe a girl that reminded him of Elena, or a young boy that sort of looked like himself as a child. He still had these memories of being human so that might torture him for a bit longer but anytime they got in the way, he just flipped that switch, easy peasy. He wondered what made her think of Isolt's way of thinking in a time like this. Did she think he was trying to trick her into killing the man and then call on Isolt for punishment or something? Oh no, he wanted more allies than enemies. He knew Isolt had all the best in mind for the vampires under her care but he still knew she could only do so much for them. It was in their nature to be predators, to hunt humans. It was something he had accepted a long time ago and all but embraced entirely. He tamed it down around his fiance but he still knew the game and the rules to play by. He was just learning who he could bend them with and who he could trust to tattle. The idea of rings only seemed to confuse Anna but to him, it was like a cage slowly closing around him. He feared commitment like the plague yet somehow he could bear it as long as it was with Isolt. She was his addiction and had become something of an obsession to him. He couldn't let her go so he knew that meant he had to make her his entirely before someone else did. He had to stake his claim. It was what real men did. Anna brought up how they were so different and then asked why he would still be with her. He shrugged. "She is the calm in this shit storm that makes up who I am. I get a little chaotic on my own and sure it's fun for a while, but then the humanity comes knocking and I'm in pieces. With Isolt, I can get a break from all the noise and become something else, someone else. I fight all flickers of humanity in myself only to crave it in others. Maybe it's my own form of self punishment but somehow it has a way of feeling like the best reward." He didn't know if that would even begin to clear things up for her but what he felt for Isolt...well, it was hard to put into words. And even harder to explain to a vampire with no humanity. Then she asked him what-if questions. He shook his head. "That's the beauty of Isolt. She has so much compassion, even for our kind. She understands that we need the blood to survive, however we can get it. I taught her how to feed from live humans. She looks down on killing, but she doesn't have to know about that, now, does she?" He raised a brow at her in curiosity, wondering if she would catch on that this could be their little secret when it came to the coven. He knew Isolt would never ask him not to feed on humans because she has too much heart. He couldn't imagine a life without her so she couldn't make him choose. She saw glimpses of the bad in him and still she said yes so that had to mean something. |