I know what it is like to feel and be different. I know what it is like to lose a part of yourself you know you'll never get back. There were days when it was rough. I must admit there were days when I just didn't want to do anything. I felt alone truly alone. I did not have my parents anymore, and losing that at such a young age, is terrifying and absolutely horrible all the same. It had taken a lot of time for me to manage to pick myself up. There are days it is much harder than before, but somehow I manage to dusty myself off and get back up again. The agonizing pain will never go away. Yet here I am still managing, still coping, a bit too good at it sometimes. I appreciate Frost coming to me, speaking about his problems, I do, but I know it isn't something that will happen for long. One day he will go to someone else, one day, he will begin to patch things within himself and get better, and I doubt very seriously that I will be involved with that. After all I don't really know if he wants to patch himself up or not. After all one of the first things you have to do if you want to help yourself, is ask yourself this question do I want to be better?. I know I do, not just for my parents, but for me. With a slight shrug I manage to give him a kind smile, wanting to try and reassure him, and well....correct him.

"You aren't the only one that can't be 'healed,' but that doesn't mean we can't get any better."

It is when he begins to speak about this other girl that cause my head to tilt slightly. I keep quiet for the moment, allowing him to speak. Bright crystalline blue eyes study him oh so very carefully, hinting at the way his tone changes slightly, or how he attempts to remain still. It is no surprise truly that he has his eye on another girl, after all, he is a part horse and they are a species that likes to collect. What worries me is who this girl actually is. Is she someone that will be good with the pack? Is she someone that will not rock the boat? I mean things having been going well so far, Edie is an odd duck, but she hasn't done anything too terrible. As he continues to explain his problem and what that entails with this girl, it isn't difficult for me to catch on, that this particular girl was going to be a problem. I am concerned for him now, but I am concerned for my pack members as well. With me not having much to do during the day I wander about and spend some nights within the Ark. I have learned more of my species and the local packs running about and the drama that unfolds. There is much I have learned, even more so, about the man that sits beside me and his apparent desire for this particular girl. Unable to keep my mouth shut I simply point out his flaws in his statement, that this new girl would not be placed above me, is a lie. It doesn't have to be by rank, but it can be by other things.

"The girl you want to be close with, will always be above the rest of the pack and me. If the pack was in danger and you could only choose one to save, we all know who that one would be. When we want to be close to our Alpha, who will always be chosen first? Your entire focus will be upon her and not all of us, not truly, and you can say I'm wrong...but deep down you know it is true. I am being placed below another and I will be treated like I am below her, whether you mean to or not. Everything will be about her and everything will have to surround her, because she is the one that is at your side. Herds have a stallion and a lead mare, and we all know that is what she will be, whether you say it or not."

His question as to how he can keep his mind quiet causes my own thoughts to halt for just a moment. I have an idea, but I need to spend more time on it. After all I don't want to tell him the wrong thing, but suddenly I see a swirl of color. My eyes move left to right as he begins to show me images that are familiar and not so familiar. When he saws me the Nightshade pack a piece of me feels a deep throb of agony. I had heard about his attack on this particular pack in the West. The Were species are huge on gossiping. I didn't believe it could be Frost at first, but when I overheard more about this particular stories and others, I must admit I feel betrayed slightly. I mean if he is being reckless and doing all these things to harm another pack, shouldn't he be concerned that his actions might lead to a terrible effect on his pack? What would happen if one of those panthers came out to chew on Claire or Edie? Hell, I know I'm a horse, but I doubt very seriously I could hold my own at all. It is when I see the image of Nadya and the twins that I shake my head, disappointed in him. I had heard things about her, many things unkind, and it is a shame that he is wanting to acquire someone like her.

"You are close to the girl that is a sister to the Alpha of the West pack. The same pack that had a member of their's nearly murdered, by an Alpha who was a horse. This same girl clearly has no sense of loyalty to her own pack if she is choosing you over them and her own brother. She has children you know and that means we will all have to take care of her children. Taking her in means this pack will always be threatened. Do you honestly believe that the Alpha of the West will just let you live in peace, or what about the one that you harmed. I am not an idiot Frost. I am not sheltered. I hear things like any Were, I listen. Why you harmed that wolf I do not know, I am sure you had a reason, but you are threatening all our lives involving her in the pack. How can I be a part of a pack where one of our members has zero ounce of loyalty in her, especially one that is at your side- whether you say she is or not does not matter â€" there is no sense of loyalty in her, and she will never have it. How do I know she will be there for one of us when a crisis occurs? She harmed Edie, how do I know she will not harm me, Clarie, or even Edie again.How do I know she will not save her own skin and leave the rest of us to suffer for ourselves? If she cannot have loyalty for her brother or members of her brother's pack, then she won't have it for any of us either. You're bringing a threat into our pack Frost, because you are blind and incapable of seeing the truth."

I honestly do not think Frost has thought all of this entirely through. I am sure he is surprised that I actually know a little bit more than I should, or at least, would know. When he leaves to go where never he goes for days or weeks, and when Edie disappears with him, I left to my own devices â€" unneeded. So, I wander about and keep low, learning and listening, soaking everything like a sponge. I am naturally curious, but I am also quite clever in figuring things out and connecting the pieces. I do not fault him for attacking the wolf of the Nightshade pack, the stories as to what truly happened are muddy at best. Yet I am well aware of this girl he wishes to bring into our pack and I must admit I have to put my foot down. Not just for the betterment of my pack, but for him as well. Males are weird when they follow their emotions. I always thought Frost wasn't capable of feeling, and I am surprised that I am in wrong, but I'm trying to help him the best way I can. If that means speaking the truth and it harms him, then so be it. As the visions in my mind fade I shake my head helplessly. There is nothing else that I can truly do for him. I spoke my mind and I honestly do not expect him to heed my words. After all, I'm nothing important. I'm just his mistake that he feels obligated to look after. With a soft sigh I turn my dial to look at him, my tone firm and yet a bit sympathetic.

"As for me helping you I do not think I can do that anymore, because I will just be in the way. If you are going to be close to her then you will need to confide in her more and so my use for you is no longer required. You do not need to confide in me with things, you do not need to come to me when you need help. You found a girl you wish to be with and if you are coming to me with these problems and not her...then she will grow jealous. All girls grow jealous Frost, and even if I am helping you and I am not wanting anything in return and I am not scheming to try and get you myself â€" I will always be seen as her problem. I hope she has the answers and I hope she is patient with you and understanding when you go to her for help and she has as much sympathy for you as I do. I wish I could continue to try and help you, but I think it is for your best that I don't."

Really you would think someone that collects women would understand how females work. Hell, women are difficult to work with, let alone, live with or put up with. He may want this new girl into his pack and that is his decision. Though I have my own decisions to make too. I am sure that when she comes she will ruin everything for the pack, and bring with her, trouble. I do not want to live the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulder in fear for retaliation. He needs help and it would be rude of me if I didn't at least try. So, I do, to the best of my ability.

"As for shutting your mind, well, try focusing on one thing at a time. Take time away from others and learn how to put up a blockade in your mind, and when you try to be close to her and if she sees anything, stop, and discuss it. I am sure once you trust her completely and she trusts you completely and you start to get better, one day you may not have to think about blocking what goes on in your mind, it will become like second nature to you."

Well that is the best advice I can possibly give him. There isn't much left for me to do to say on his predicament. He will have to learn how to hone it and how to keep that side of him from being exposed. I don't blame him for not wanting to share things with anyone, let alone someone he wishes to be close to. Yet he needs to work on controlling it and blocking it. He can do it, I am sure, but this is something he will need to work on by himself, or with someone else. I know when I am no longer needed. Quietly I hand him back the book, no longer needing it, learning Icelandic was not necessary anymore. It is a shame really. I take another look at him, a sadden gaze, thinking perhaps this just might be it. My tone once more holds a sympathetic tone, and yet, there is some touch of fear mixed in there.

"I am sorry Frost, but I do not think I am needed here any longer. You have Clarie who can cook, you have Edie that can do, well, whatever it is you are doing with her, and now you'll have someone to confide your darkest secrets and pain with and I am sure she'll be willing to help you. You'll be fine without me I am sure. Thank you for taking the time to teach me, but you don't need to feel responsible anymore for making me a Were."

Quietly I get up and begin to head towards the back of the house. My head is lowered slightly, my shoulders slumped in a defeated manner. I am scared to leave all that I know here. I am terrified at the very thought that this was a mistake. I feel better that I mentioned that he no longer needed to be responsible for me. After all, I understand that there isn't a place for me anymore. In fact I don't really know where my place is going to be anymore. I feel a sharp pain in my heart as I leave Frost behind, for a moment, I clutch my heart, shocked at the pain I felt as I continued to walk away. Is this was it is like to leave a pack or is the pain coming from leaving my creator? I don't know, but I know it is terribly painful. I didn't bring much with me when I left Uncle Azrael's house and I am sure I can stuff everything I need in my bag. I know I won't be staying here, not when she would be coming. I know I cannot return to my Uncle's home, in fear that his Dark Hunter instincts may drive him to kill me, and listening to him ridicule me for going with Frost. I'm sure I'll manage on my own though, wherever I end up. After all I've been abandoned and alone before, I'm used to not having a family sadly. Maybe that is for the best that I have no one? Maybe I was always meant to be in solitude.

Calliel Alosi

Now I'm Unbreakable, It's Unmistakable