I couldn't see the tears beginning to fall from Cole's face, partly because the world was a rippling river of tears, my vision a blurred mess, and the moon was beginning to slip behind the forest, the darkness crept over us, bringing with it a feeling of loneliness. There was no one here but Cole and I, both of us being forced to face each other, to either reject or accept our darker selves. Despite the lack of light, I could still see the crystal blue of his eyes, as if they shone with a light of their own. His response to my question was expected, because it was truthful...I knew what he'd done, but playing denial somehow made everything feel a little slower, a little easier to grasp.

I feel his weight lift from me, and though for a moment I invision myself kneeing him in the groin and running like mad, that thought quickly passes as his hands move to my face. I realize there is no fear, I do not flinch this time, but remain motionless, my breathing still irregular. Cole's touch is gentle, the affection and love I knew he had for me was present, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the world, because the lie of his touch was all I wanted. Or was I just scared that I was accepting his act of murder, and that I knew in my heart that I was his, and in that I was an accessory, I was as guilty of pulling that trigger as he was, and I was losing the pain and the guilt...it was washing away as I felt my lover's tear touch my skin. I can feel Cole move forward, and I try to not start sobbing again, but I fail entirely. I feel him press his lips to mine, and I lean forward, kissing him back with trembling lips. His words break whatever wall I had left, I stare into his eyes as he leans away from me. "I love you too." The words are somewhat broken, my voice not ready to work yet, but I sit up the rest of the way now, using my palms to attempt to brush away the tears that stained my face.

I manage to do nothing more than cover my face in mud stained trails, but at least I can see clearly now. The vision I see is not the tough man I knew, a killer, or even anything remotely intimidating. Instead I see Cole sitting there, his hand over his face, his body shaking as he cried. I have never been able to handle seeing anyone else cry, it utterly breaks me. I shouldn't feel guilt, this was all Cole's fault anyway, but I find myself careening into a hole of guilt. Scooting closer to Cole, I sit beside him, facing him now. I reach forward and place my hand on his knee. "I'm not going to leave, I promise. Sh, it's ok...we'll figure this out together." The words are honest, I wanted to think I was a different person, that I couldn't be a part of this world I was being thrown into, but perhaps I wasn't as good a man as I'd hoped to be, perhaps I was just this sort of man, who will stand by his lover no matter what, even if it's morally broken. But, is there not some ounce of goodness in that? Love is a beast with horns and a halo, it brings the greatest form of pain, as well as love. So, with that settled, I leaned forward and kissed the back of Cole's hand gently, the one he had covering his eyes. "I need you to be gentle. I need to take this slow...I'm scared. Please don't cry." My voice is soft, though still shaky from the adrenaline I'd been exposed to.