My words, it seemed, brought her far more pleasure then she cared to indicate with her own- her cheeks flushing with a red colour that blossomed across her features unbidden. I felt myself smile once more, a habit it would seem, one my other half I knew cared to partake off very rarely. It simply was not his way and I was content in that. He was obscure in his mannerisms, I knew that, after all I was often forced to watch his fumbling attempts and I suppose in some fashion I accepted them. I could do little else in the end. Acceptance, in all thing, is perhaps one of the hardest of concepts to achieve and I think perhaps he and I do not accept each other totally, not all the time- though we grow ever closer to it. Perhaps it is Raven that allows such a thing, we share her, after all. The playful slap she afforded myself is met with another deep, rich chuckle from within my chest as she sprawled herself across my lap. It was such a small thing, truly and yet here beneath those canopy of stairs with Raven in my lap I was content to hold her, be close to her, relish in every part of her as I was so often denied through my own inaptitude and hesitation to be touched in much the same manner. One hand dropped lower, entwining with her own, lacing my fingers through hers in a gesture of gentle affection- one that offered my closeness without pressing to much upon her own fears. We could be close- in our own way. My own form lent further back, allowing her to lean into my chest in this simple moment of satisfaction, amusement still lingering at her words. It was rare to see her playful, at least, in a flirtatious manner. I merely inclined my gaze downwards, dark eyes meeting her own with gentle humour.

"I suppose I won't kiss you again then- since my sexiness is so debatable to you, surely my kiss is as well then."

The tease in my voice was surely clear before I moved to answer her other question, taken this rare opportunity of time and peace and presence of mind within myself to afford her those answers she might have otherwise lacked, continuing to enjoy the feel of her hand in my own before she asked after the water. I feared it less, I think, in the rare moments such as this when my thoughts found themselves aligned and the clarity of thought itself was afforded to me. Yet even now, even the mention of it draws the golden dark of my gaze towards the side of the ship and the sound of the waves I remain so aware of as they beat against the side of the steel boat we have called home for so long now. I know the water is there and no part of myself holds any desire to be within its icy grasp. It is cold, dark, wet and it is....death. That is all I see when I look at it, no matter the state of my mind that thought prevails. It started with water, all of it, that single assurance burned hotly within my mind even if I cannot remember how and why or where, not truly, not clearly- as if the water itself had diluted those memories. I cannot grasp them anymore then I could grasp the tide itself and yet fragments exist. I offered them to her because she asked, I have little to hide, it is not a secret, though why I am the way I am is perhaps more of a mystery still- and one I cannot answer alone.

My fragmented past however is hardly what I care to fixate one now, Raven's name upon my lips as she attempted to explain her own feelings, punctuated with a belief, a ridiculous one perhaps, that perhaps she did not mean as much to me as I meant to her. Such a foolish creature she is sometimes, especially for one so smart. I had threatened, only moments ago not to kiss her again for her evident lack of appreciation of the sexiness I was assured I must possess on some level and yet here and now I was content to break my own word as I drew her closer to myself, uttering those words she deserved to hear most of all before bringing my lips to her own with a desire I saw no need to hide. I felt her embrace in return, relishing in that moment, affording her all the affection I knew how to afford in that single gesture before she pulled away, pressing her lips to my forehead.

"I know."

I simply murmured the words against her, I did know too, even if I might never fully understand it. Perhaps I didn't need to. In that moment I only cared that she understood. She shifted, at last, moving to lean back again, her hand finding my own once more- the both of us content to simply lie back in that lingering, pleasant silence. The hand she didn't hold moved to lean across, capturing a single lock of curly hair within my fingers, twisting it about almost absentmindedly before she spoke again. My head shook softly, though it was hardly in refusal to answer the questions. More so I simply.....tried to find the answers she was searching for. I couldn't remember, those memories out of both our reaches beyond the vaguest of snapshots. My lips parted, closing once more as I seemed to reconsider my words.

"I remember....being much smaller. The room was.....dark but I think it was always dark there. No sun. When the building collapsed the pipes burst. I remember that. I couldn't get out. Someone was screaming, over and over. My name. Over and over. I don't know.....the water got higher though, higher and higher and over my ears and- it was cold."

I felt my head shake again slightly, disliking the memories, that feeling of being trapped, enclosed. Each memory the vaguest of snapshots that linked together with the barest of threads.

"No. I don't want to try. It frightens me too much. Even now. I'm sorry."

I turned the golden dark of my gaze to her once more, half expecting some sense of disappointment perhaps, though the very idea of even....trying was something outside my reach. Especially not here and now. He would take over, I knew that. The moment the water hit my skin he would take over. He saved us that night- not me. I didn't want to lose what I had left of here and now merely because the spray of the shower fell upon me. I shifted once more, moving to stretch out upon the blanket, content to pull Raven down with me until we both lay sprawled upon the blanket, allowing the woman to use my arm or chest as something of a pillow.

"It's getting lighter."

An hour perhaps, that was all the time we had left and yet another thought had taken hold of my mind, the faintest of smiles tracing my lips ever so slightly as the wind blew my tousled dark hair into my eyes.

"Raven. I need you to.....do something for me."

My gaze moved from her own, eyeing the lightening sky above once more as I lay beside her, one finger continuing to curl about her hair in a playful manner.

"When he is back I need you to ask him a question. I need you to ask him what he wants you to be today. It's a strange question, I know, but ask him that. He knows the answer."

madness, as you know, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push