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I never really lost my confidence when I became part of the undead. My motives changed but that's about it. Before death, I was a soldier fresh home from the Civil War. I killed people and it haunted me but I figured as time wore on, I would get over it. I had no idea how right I would be. After death, I was bitter, only set on tormenting my brother, blaming him for getting me into this mess since he was the one who ratted Catherine to our father. I wanted him to suffer for eternity and I think in a lot of ways, I've managed to do that. I've killed a lot of people he cares about since I died and in a lot of ways, I still believe he deserves it. Catherine wanted him over me. She always did, she just enjoyed playing games and she liked playing tug o' war with us like toys. I fucking hate her for that. I can play it both ways myself. I can blend into the crowd, disappear into the shadows, but I don't mind the spotlight either. I'm always ready with sarcasm or a well timed joke. When I describe the girl I like, of course I'm describing Isolt mostly but I'm still caught between what I want and what might happen. I have issues with commitment. So what if I start something and I can't finish it? What if I hurt her? That would hurt me more than I'd like to admit. Isolt means a lot to me. She means more to me than anyone else ever has, maybe more than Catherine. But she's a friend and how can I risk a friendship for my own selfish desires? I can't even tell if she likes me, let alone wants something more. She's so open in her emotions and yet it makes her a mystery all its own. She teases me but it's innocent flirtations. I never see her throw herself out there, make a move. The guy's supposed to do that, I get it. I usually wouldn't mind but with her, it's different. I smile as she speaks. "She is." I agree. Yes, Isolt is wonderful. When she looks at the patrons in the bar again, I tilt my head. I guess she hasn't given up on eating something then. When I ask her what she likes, she repeats the question to me. My eyes glisten knowingly, my lips tugging outward in a smirk. I nod a little, encouraging her to answer. I am intrigued after all. She seems thoughtful for a moment and I tilt my head, giving her my most patient expression. When she does answer, I flash pearly whites in a smile. I lean forward, putting my elbows on the table. "Kindness and mystery, hm? Interesting duo. If there's mystery, how can you trust that their kindness is true?" I like making people think. My eyes watch her carefully, very interested in her answer. She successfully distracts me with her words. I turn my gaze to the girl in question, measuring her up. Finally I nod. "Go for it, not that you need my permission." I smile in reassurance this time, wanting her to know that I have faith in her. I want to see her hunting style. I could always offer a hand, make the girl mellow with just a look and a few choice words but I want to see how efficient she is first. |