I will

rise up

in spite of the ache

Henry listened, even if he didn't want to. He had tried to have this conversation before and it all it ever did was lead to more fights, more anger. Henry didn't any any of that. But he listened anyway. He said nothing, letting Sterling say his peace.

But when he said that normal people didn't grieve by having sex with someone else, Henry nodded. "I fucked up..I am fucked up. I've never been good at making good decision. I've struggled with drugs and alcohol and woman my whole life. Until you came along. You taught me to love myself and to love you. It was YOU that got me clean. I owe everything to you." He paused. He didn't want to start a fight, but he wanted to explain himself and apologize all without it seeming like just another excuse. "At the time, Malia was just a coping mechanism. Was it a good one? No. But I'm trying Sterling...now I'm really trying. I can't apologize enough for fucking up. I regret that...all of that. I can't change the past because believe me, that's one of those things I would change if I could. I have to live with that decision and it kills me knowing how much it hurt you. I'm not perfect, Sterling...I'll never be perfect. But I swear to you I'm trying to be a better man." He hadn't slept with anyone else. He hadn't done drugs. He hadn't had more than a couple of drinks a few times a week. He was trying to be a better man but he had a feeling Sterling wouldn't ever be able to look past his mistakes and regrets. Those would haunt him to his grave.

But when Sterling spoke again, Henry watched the way his eyes softened, the way he looked almost insecure. Henry had never wanted him to feel that way. The only thing Henry ever wanted was for him to know just how much he loved him...just how much he meant everything to him. Clearly that message had been lost in translation somewhere down the line.

Hesitantly, he closed the distance between him and Sterling. Finger brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes as he looked down at him. His features were soft, his body language even softer. "You've always been enough. My demons make me doubt myself sometimes, to tell me that I don't deserve you. But I'm working through them." He leaned down, pressing his lips gently against Sterling's own. Hands wrapped around him, pulling him close. It was a soft kiss, not the deepened one that Henry held back. "No matter what happened or will happen in the future...I want you know you have been, you are and will always be enough." He might have fucked up in a way that they can never be together again, but none of that changed the fact that Sterling had always been enough. Sterling had changed him in a way no else could. He may have made some shitty decisions in the past, but it didn't change the fact that he loved Sterling.

Henry Tudor

I will rise a thousand times again