He is not quite sure, truly, what answer he anticipated of the girl beside him. She had merely been alone, the house empty save for themselves and he had found his thoughts prone to wander and press against is mind far more then he truly desired it to. She alone knew something of his past, had met a small selection of those whom still existed and it was for that reason perhaps he had sought some fleeting connection with his pack mate. Difficult, however, perhaps does not adequately describe Frosts demeanour in this regard. The man is notoriously unemotional, closed, more beings then he cares to count having commented on knowing nothing about him when he seemed to know far more about them and yet, to an extent, he prefers it as such. He is not given to sharing, not when it comes to himself. Perhaps he had simply become too good at remaining indifferent, what remained of his emotions in any true sense little more than the flickering flames of what they had once been and yet those that did remain irk at him. Hmm, perhaps this is the mere punishment he receives for keeping others at arm's length for so very long- a near inability to expressing anything to them when he desired. Calliel however was young, though not merely in age, the girl possessing a spark of sorts about her he found simply....illusive in himself. It was truly as if the girl possessed some level of hope and it is that he is merely drawn to today.
Her words are not entirely what he had anticipated, features frowning somewhere beneath that wild, white forelock and yet he remains silent all the same. Emotional contemplation is not his strongest suite. A soft snort erupting at last from within him.
"I cannot get better, Calliel. I will never be, as you say, healed."
It is perhaps one of the truest admittances he has ever made, delivered in that same, devoid voice in which he offers near most of his words, each syllable tainted with a frigid tone. His gaze lifts upward, briefly meeting her own as he continues to rest upon the grass, speaking of his own apparent inability to heal from the past as if he talks of the weather and yet- perhaps it is simply the truth. After all- he has been detached from it, himself, the past, for so very long he has simply learned to live something of a half-life- if only because it allows him to live at all. She takes the clover from him, the stallion merely watching with some amusement now, curious as to whether the girl would actually try it or not before she spoke once more and the man simply remained silent for several moments.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, you did nothing to me. They did though and I have not forgotten. I will make it right, in time. I am patient when I need to be."
It is perhaps an unusual thing to say, a certain tightness touching his voice, that far more than one unresolved issue exists in this moment is surely clear and yet how deeply seated that utter loathing and need for revenge against a near entire race of beings stirred within him remains to be seen. There is some disdain, perhaps, for that part of himself, after all it is that part of himself even he does not deny is unspeakably cruel when it chooses to be and yet it had existed for him for so very long it had merely become him- to an extent. He is what he needs to be and little else. The girl bringing to clover to her lips however seems to see him soften slightly, the faintest lift touching it at her clear approval of it. Knowledge of the lawn, after all, was one talent he easily maintained.
"She knows some of my past, I have told her pieces of it. I would like for her to join our pack in time- not to be placed above you-"
He pauses, briefly, reassuring Calliel of that in the least, before continuing.
"Yet there remains a difference between knowing of it and seeing it. My, let us call them, mind powers, allow for a communication both ways I worry my thoughts or memories, might 'broadcast' when they should not. For reasons I am sure you understand I am not always at ease in...closer situations."
There was nothing to say, of course, that his power worked in just that way and yet if he could speak directly to minds it reasoned to assume he may, accidentally, offer those around him accidental glimpses into what he does not wish them to see, especially in situations in which he may be given to focus less upon....controls.
"And how might I shut my mind entirely?"
He was aware, truly, that his silence, if not introverted manner of being often seemed to see others believe he was, well, rather dull. A rather dangerously inaccurate assumption of the man as he lifts one hand effortlessly upward. An eruption of colour seems to explode from his mere fingertips, surrounding the pair effortlessly, colour and light and sound shifting and arranging itself. They are illusions and no more and yet Frost rather effortlessly moves to offer his companion an insight into his mind, crafting every thought into a visible illusion, Calliel surely capable of recognising herself, Edie, Claire, the house- amongst images of the night shade pack, Dareios, Alexander, Nadya and the twins as well as a myriad of others that sputter and flicker amongst images of books, passages, words, amulets, hands that reach from a far darker corner of his mind, horses, hunters and lands she has never seen, some merely sounds or colours that move around like a veritably living galaxy around them. It is quite....exquisite, truly and yet a mere flick of his wrist sees them all fade- returned to his mind alone.
"Despite what many think it is a rather busy place."
Frostbite
|