The ground was shocking cold as I lay there, the impact had knocked the air out of me, leaving me a trembling, awkward mess. The adrenaline already seemed to be dying down, and with it the numbness I had felt. My body ached and screamed from the muscle tension and twice having gone down now. I wasn't sure how long I laid there, but before I realized it, Cole was running at me. I tried to get up, but I'd hardly gotten anywhere before he'd leapt on top of me and had my arms pinned into the dirt road. I turned my face away from him and clenched my eyes shut. A part of me felt like a frightened child, was he going to kill me? Another part of me wanted to reach up and wrap my arms around him, and beg him to tell me why he'd done this, why he'd snuck off like that and burned everything to the ground. Because I loved him. What a masochistic fool I am.


I kicked my legs wildly, but the fact was Cole was too strong, and I knew it. I gave up. Refusing to look at him still, I flinch a bit when he first starts to speak, my hands clenched into white knuckled fists. I could feel his breathing get closer to my face as he continues to speak. I notice the difference in his voice, it isn't angry or aggressive...instead it sounds hurt. Why should he feel hurt? I push away the thought, not wanting it to consume me, or maybe I just can't stand the idea of Cole being the victim here. "Well obviously I was onto something!" My voice is softer than before, but still quite angry. The sound of his voice saying my name, finally make me turn to face him, my eyes lingered shut a moment, before opening slowly and looking up at him with an angry, accusatory glare. The look vanished suddenly as I take in the red stream on the side of his face. I knew I'd done that, and I felt a rush of guilt, though honestly he still deserved it. I let my eyes drop away from his wound and focus instead on his blue eyes as he spoke.


"Fine...I'm listening." As he talks about not cheating, I just stare back at him with a look that says right...I'm just following for no good reason. I knew he'd see it too, he knew my mind too well. When he mentions being a hunter, I gulp a little, part of me not wanting to hear any of this, or deal with any of it. Yes, I have an avoidant personality. "Cole, there's no goblins and unicorns." I say this with a trembling chuckle that is both forced, and entirely nervous. "Please stop." I look up into his eyes with an intense, pleading stare. I know he's not joking, and it's that knowing that causes me to start crying again. This was too much in one night, way too fucking much. So, obviously when Cole mentions he's not even human, my body instinctively coils, my arms tugging away from his, but weakly. "Stop it! COLE STOP IT!" As my hand presses against his matted hair, the blood mingling with the mud on my hand, I can feel the lump where I'd hit him, it was scabbed over and the blood had already stopped. I made a strange sound, a mixture of a cry and a choke.


This was beyond any bad dream I'd ever had. And I'd had some really messed up shit happen in my dreams. No. Not a dream. This was as real as the pain in my knee, as real as the heartbreak I felt. "You're delusional...is this what you've been hiding from me? You need help Cole!" The words came between more sobs as I felt him holding me more gently. Why did this man have such control over me. I wanted to run, but I could already feel myself losing that battle. Delusional or not, he was mine...and he wasn't going to kill me. I let him hold my hand, my own fingers wrapping around his. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I shook my head and sobbed. "Did you shoot her? Did you..." I'd been in fights, I'd put people in the hospital before, but it had always been self defence, never anything like this...never killing. "Off. Just get off me." I pushed at him with my blood stained hand, I couldn't breath suddenly, my body shook and in the moonlight you could easily see if Cole didn't move his ass, he wasn't going to be happy about it.

CARSON BENEDETTO
Human | Drag Queen | 32 Years Old | Heart's Taken

Lyrics from Murder Song by AURORA, character by fayrii, html by nook <3