I had not anticipated her waking, perhaps I should have, she never did sleep near so well whenever I left her- in the least she became fitful, restless even. If my own sleep was more peaceful I would surely have stayed with her more often and yet even I grew restless in the night with worries I did not fully anticipate. So many believe the mind of the less then sane must surely be full of worries- for what do they have to fear if the world is already so fractured? You would be surprised, I assure you, of the fears that find their way to my mind, both real and imagined. It is those fears perhaps that see myself wander the Ark during the night, assuring Aiden, Nadya and even the staff remain safe. I have been the guardian of this ship at night since our very first night aboard it. A metaphorical lighthouse I suppose, ever so bright at night and yet eternally dim during the day. I smiled softly at my own thoughts once more, enjoying that they possessed enough fluidity to even appreciate the irony that so often eluded my grasp. It was the soft, subtle sound of her approach that saw myself turn and meet her gaze momentarily, finding myself unable to hold it for terribly long if only for the fear I may see things I hardly desire there. I don't fear any lack of love for myself, for I know I would never find that, egotistical creature aren't I? No, what I fear seeing one day is a longing for this part of myself I cannot give, a wish or a desire I cannot fulfil to offer her this side of myself even I am so rarely given to see. One day perhaps, he will not be enough. She would be right to think it, she should, for he is not enough. He is half a man at best and yet she seems to hold within her a capacity to love unlike I have truly ever seen- save for perhaps within Nadya- when she looks at her children. Perhaps I should wonder less and enjoy more that which exists before me and yet is this not the price we pay for sanity? The glory of thinking too much? Ha! How I both miss and loath it all at once.

She, in her own way, seems to distract my mind from itself once more with her approach. I can see her smile even in the dark, her closeness a rarity and yet one I am not near foolish enough to pull away from. It is decidedly....boyish of me I think and surely I should be ashamed at myself for such selfish whims and yet I desire her closeness all the same in a manner that other side of me seems to seek if only because instinct drives him to it and he seeks a closeness he cannot name. This is not entirely about instinct. The sight of her, even draped in a blanket as she is and wearing a pair of charcoal pyjamas sees a desire of sorts rise within myself that is far more than the physical. It is a potent thing, truly, to realize I am so very attracted to the woman on every level, body and mind. I suppose though, that is the power of love in its rawest form. Imperfection hardly matters when you fail to see it and I think, just as my other self, we have never truly seen hers no matter how obvious it might seem to others. Beauty is easily within the eye of the beholder and I have long since see something beautiful in her.

She moves to lean into my side, wrapping her arm around myself in this truly rare moment of outward affection, attempting to afford myself the cover of the blanket though I have easily ceased to be cold as I lean away from the side of the boat to afford her a little more contact with my side My own arm moves, lifting to encircle her shoulders, pulling her softly against me for a moment before dipping my head just enough to allow my lips to brush her cheek in a delicate kiss.

"Good evening to you too."

There was something playful in the words, some manner of appreciation for her closeness though I saw little need to push her, allowing my arm to continue to rest around her shoulders and yet affording her the room to move away should she find it oppressive. Her words see a shadow of a simper touch my lips, for once a look uniquely my own and one not borrowed from Aiden as so many of my gestures were, my gaze finding her own once more. More than one answer to her questions burned within my mind, several coming to my lips and yet I found myself reluctant to afford them an answer. Hmm, how strange it should be that the other half of myself is almost to bold with his words and feelings and in this moment I find myself eclipsed by them, caring to much perhaps, to tell her why entirely I did not seek to wake her, I am a selfish thing you see. I chose instead to answer her final question in regards to the sunrise.

"Many times."

I assured her simply, the rich depth of the baritone of my own voice startling to even myself, though the dawn was still several hours yet from breaking, another gust of wind seeing tangles of black hair flick against my face and eyes before I felt a frown touch my features.

"Do I often wear clothing to bed?"

It had occurred to me that I was dressed in jeans and a shirt whereas she had managed pyjamas in the least. I am almost amused at myself really, half inclined to wonder if I owned an pyjamas before deciding to dismiss that thought entirely lest I ponder it too long. There were far more important things at hand I think, my form moving to detach itself from her own, the faintest of smiles assuring her it would hardly before long. I took the blanket from her smoothly, the scents upon it assuring me it was most likely from our bed as I laid upon the ground, moving to seat myself a moment later. The sides of the ship took away the wind down here, removing any need for a blanket as my gaze looked back towards her own, one arm merely held out- curious perhaps, to see if she might join me, relieved when I found she did. It was curious really, that some part of me still held a fear she might not, that she might one day wake from whatever spell I seem to have cast over her that held her too me when she could surely have anyone else. I waited for her to settle, wherever she might choose to do so, my own form leaning back against the ship's side, gaze turned briefly to the horizon again.

"If we have what remains of tonight at least, what is it you would like to ask me, while you can?"

I felt my voice tighten, if only slightly, unhappy at the notion that such things were limited before even I too forgot they had ever existed. Raven at least, would have a memory to hold whereas I simply became left with nothing but fragments of life I cannot remember. Then again, I think, if it bring's her happiness I'm willing to suffer it over and over. It's no less then she deserves, even if I can only give this part of myself for such a short time. What man wouldn't, for the woman he loves?

madness, as you know, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push