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Was I really ready to do this? The voices in my head scream hell no but I feel it's only right. I need closure after all and who knows? Maybe he does too. It would be a lie to say my thoughts haven't drifted to Alexander far too many times while I was gone. I thought of him mostly at night, as embarassing as it is to admit. I would ache for his closeness when the sun went down, my skin praying for his touch and the safety of his arms. I would close my eyes when I slept and see his brilliant blue eyes and the soft allure of his lips when he smiles. I would hear his laughter and the roughness of his voice when he speaks. But he probably thinks me long gone. Should I leave it that way? Maybe it's better. But I'm going to need money and this job is the only one I know how to do. I don't know how to count money yet since I never got that far but I can take orders and write on cups and even smile at people. I know I can put on a mask and do that again. But the real question is, will he take me back? I don't even know how I mean that question since we were never truly anything to begin with. I guess you could say we were friends who got close for comfort one night but did it mean anything? I know it did for me for a multitude of reasons but for him? I didn't stay long enough to find out. The night after our intimate encounter was the start of my very own nightmare. I take a deep breath before pushing open the door of the cafe, the warm scent of coffee wafting into my nostrils, such a welcoming sensation. It doesn't take me long to find him, my sweaty hands swiping at my pants as a nervous wave hits me. His broad shoulders beckon to me like nothing else ever could as I step over the threshold, already holding my breath because I know with the next one, I'll be breathing in his thick musky cologne. Finally it reaches me and I can't help but stop for a moment to close my eyes, once more wrapped up in that velvety dream that kept me company all those long nights on the run. My face is a little more drawn, my eyes a shade or two darker around the edges now. Will he notice the difference? I wish I could come back the same timid little fox but she is long gone now. I have done too much to go back now. I step closer to the counter, the new barista looking me over with a polite smile as she waits for my order but instead I look past her. "Alexander...may I speak to you?" |