I do not mind being within enclosed dark spaces. I have grown used to such things. Being in a cage not only allowed my pack to feel safe from me....but I was safe from them. I did not like it when the older males would come and grab me. I did not like it when they would beat me each time I changed, as if I would attack them all of a sudden. I don't mean to attack others it is extremely difficult to control. I do not like that side of me, it is dangerous, and it hurts. I am afraid of this other half. I am afraid of what it will do. I always think about the 'what ifs' I would hate to attack my new pack. I'm afraid of what they'll think. Regan doesn't seem to mind it. Nadya I know for sure would flip out. Even though Tetradore sounded like he wasn't concerned I am sure it would change if he saw. Tobias...I think would understand. He did not run away when he saw me as my other self...maybe he can help me cope? But now is not the time to think such things. As my own blue-grey eyes look into those depthless dark pools of his, I study him carefully noticing how he continues to grow agitated. I know he does not like water, but why that is I do not know. I like the rain, I've always liked the rain. For some reason it brings me comfort. When I stand in the rain, I like to close my eyes and allow my sense of touch and smell to be enhanced. I like feeling the cold rain as it pitter patters on my skin, how it rolls down the faded deep scars on my flesh, how it washes away my fears and eases my deeply depressed mind. I wish it could do the same for him, but when he pounds his first into the ground I flinch and sigh. I guess that will never happen. Yet after his mini-outburst I notice a different look on his handsome face, a flicker of regret and to reassure him, I smile gently and bring my hand to scratch the back of his ear â€" just as he likes it. His answer causes my head to tilt slightly, a bit puzzled, but I nod quietly allowing his answer to satisfy me.

I hear the annoying wails coming from the police sirens and I instantly tense up. I look at him, worried for the next action to take, because I know it won't be good. Before I can warn him I feel unfamiliar hands grab my waist and shoulder and pull me up and away from him. I cannot help, but yelp in surprise. There is fear in my eyes as they widen and stare at Tobias. I do not like being touched. Every time someone touches me I would get hurt I was accustomed to it at my pack. I only like it when Tobias touches me. Not once has he harmed me. I trust him. I trust him completely even if he is a bit different from being normal. I struggle to get away as they force me to my feet and pull my arms behind me. I yelp again when I feel a sharp pain of moving my arms in a unsuitable position and I try to free myself. I do not want to appear pathetic in front of Tobias. We are in a close relationship. I am his mate. I need to be strong for him. I need to show him I am not weak, pathetic, but most importantly that I am not...useless. I want to be everything I can be for him. I've never been 'something' to anyone before and for Tobias I'd like to something important. It isn't hard to get the shadows to appear, it is cold and it is a bit draining, but it is so useful. I see his familiar spotted coat flash past me as he takes down one of the officers and as soon as I feel free I instantly crouch and begin the painful process of transformation. It hurts. Not as bad when I was young. But it is still painful to change, the way my bones break and repair themselves into a different frame, the way I feel my tail poke out and grow. My jaws ache as I feel my teeth grow longer. As soon as my paws meet the floor I make a dash for the window ignoring Tobias and the sound of screams that follow in his wake. I make it to the door and turn around noticing most of the police officers are severely wounded, blood trickling down their navy uniform and smearing the black and white tile. I know what he did was wrong, to harm them so badly, but it was necessary. He acted...just like I would if...I wasn't myself.

While he walks past me and opens the door with his shoulder I follow in his wake, but quickly brush my side along his. I am not bothered by the blood that begins to matt in my thick ebony fur. I lean into him my muzzle stretching to his face as my tongue brushes his cheek in an affectionate and thankful manner, but also to ease and calm him before we enter the public. After all I am sure most walkers would flee in terror seeing a leopard and wolf walk down Main Street. Plus with his current state of bloodlust I do not want him to attack an innocent person. Quietly I walk at his side content to be near him, my grey ears twitch back and flick forward as I don't hear any other police in come in our direction. I hope Tobias didn't kill anyone. I would hate for someone to die, but...I understand he was just protecting me. He is good at that, I like being protected. It feels good to have someone that actually wants me safe, I feel as if I am valued, as if I am something important. I hope he knows I am not weak. I hope he knows I can fend for myself. I mean I know how to attack. I don't think I am good at it when I am me, but I really do try. If I am going to be at his side I need to not be a weakling. I do not want him to let me go...I don't want to be alone again. I notice how he lifts his head, his circular black ears stand up and I tilt my head curiously. I follow him as we cross streets and enter a long alley way. There is a half door open and as he jumps over it and lands inside a building I just stand there puzzled. I am not as agile as his species. I turn around and walk away and spin around run, leaping as high as I can, using my telekinesis to lift me up ever so slightly so I clear it â€" silently. As I land on my paws I instantly tuck tail and ears down as I realize we are in an unfamiliar place. Cautiously I follow him as we move through the boxes and I begin to notice our surroundings. The deep tub like sinks that are like baths, but on thick stilts as if they are for a person at arm's length. The scent smells so very...clean and...soapy. I hear some sound of a buzzer being used in another room down the hallway, and I can hear the sounds of other animals. I notice on the grey shiny table there are clippers and brushes and I instantly grow still next to him. This is not a place for us. Before I can answer his question I notice two vampires staring at us and speaking to one another. As one of them grabs Tobias by the scruff of his neck I cannot help, but snarl and sink my teeth in his dead flesh. I need to get him away.

As my teeth continue to sink into his hand I feel it loosen and shake my head back and forth, ripping his skin, as I try to get my companion free. Yet I suddenly feel something hot burn the back of my shoulder and I catch the scent of silver. Instantly I let go unable to hear them speak to one another as they shout. One of them grabs my own scruff and before I can bite them I suddenly feel like I cannot think or move. This feels weird. My eyes turn to Tobias and I know he is still too...like me. As I try to move to him I find myself not really wanting to â€" I feel some invisible hand grabbing me as an unfamiliar voice pops in my head â€" telling me I had to follow and obey every command. Is this how Tobias felt when Risky forced him to do things to follow her orders. I guess these vampires can control Weres or animals and when one of them lifts me on the table I feel a harness sliding on me. One begins to brush me and I hear the sound of water behind me coming from those tall tubs and I instantly go still, turning my head to Tobias. I know he does not like baths and I have no idea how I can get to him. As this vampire continues to brush me I look to Tobias, trying to make myself appear calm...hoping he follows suit.

"This is a groomer...they brush us...bathe us...and dry us off...like pets. They think we are someone's pet. I can't move without this voice telling me to Tobi..."

I'd Rather Feel Pain Then Nothing At All

Raven