I will

rise up

in spite of the ache

Whether or not Sterling wanted him to pay penance was not his choice. Henry had done the unthinkable. He had maimed his boyfriend and scarred him emotionally. He couldn't hear those emotional wounds, though he wish he could. He wished there was something more he could do, but there simply wasn't. No matter how much he loved the man, Sterling would never see him with the same eyes again. He would never wake up next to the blue eyed boy, his arms wrapped so securely against his frame. Those days were gone and it hurt. Those were emotional wounds Henry bore...but there was no way he'd tell the man just how much he hurt.

As he finished dressing, he heard Sterling tell him that it wasn't penance, that it was something he didn't want. "The price I have to pay for my mistakes far outweighs the cost of these bruises. Hurting you...not just physically, is something I struggle with every second of every day. What would have happened if I just called the hospital one more time or forced my way in checking each room myself? Things might have been different. I might still be here holding you close, making love to you like we didn't have a care in the world. But here I am...trying to suppress the unyielding love I have for you ...to come to terms with the fact that you don't want me despite me giving every piece of me to you." He sighed, exhausted and unsure what to say. None of it mattered. It didn't matter how much he tortured himself, how much he tried...he would never have the one thing that he wanted more than anything. It was a scary place for Henry. So many times he wanted to go back to his drug days, to lose himself in the illegal drugs just to not care for a moment.

He tried to offer the man breakfast, an olive branch of sorts. But instead, Sterling crossed his arms over his chest, refusing the offer of breakfast unless he healed himself. He sighed, his arms falling to his sides with his palms up, clearly a very open position. "Don't you get it? These bruises don't hurt. My broken rib doesn't hurt. What hurts is that I fucking love you with every cell of my body and I fucked you up in such a way that you can't reciprocate. That hurts far more than any physical pain. I can't heal that. No one can." Healing wouldn't fix it. Healing wouldn't take away the guilt and pain he felt. "So healing these bruises doesn't do a fucking thing." He was unsure why, but perhaps his subconscious was betraying him. In this moment, his bruises seemingly began to heal. The black and blue slowly fade back to his normal skin tone. His rib popped back into place, the bone fusing and forming a stronger bond than ever. His physical pains began to heal while his emotional ones kept him feeling raw and exposed. He felt vulnerable and angry and every emotion in between. "I won't see you die..."...because Henry would never forgive himself if that ever happened. Physically losing Sterling would be a fate that Henry could simply not survive. Losing Sterling meant that he would lose himself as well...and that thought was terrifying.

Henry Tudor

I will rise a thousand times again