I hear the words ring out behind me, Cole's voice echoed off the trees, making it feel as if he'd engulfed me into his arms, and I felt the smothering panic strike through me like razors, my lungs hurt with each breath, but somehow I kept moving, my feet hitting the ground hard and unsure. The truck grew closer and closer, it's image distorted and twisting through the veil of tears that now wouldn't stop. I clung to it, trying to not think of anything beyond reaching the door.


I felt the path break off onto the dirt road as the sound of a gunshot broke the silence. Instinctively I swung around, expecting to see him pointing it at me, instead there was darkness, and the feeling of falling. My body felt ice cold, and I realized I was on my knees.Leaning forward, I dug my fingers into the dirt and vomited. I suppose this was the shock kicking in. My spine felt rigid and sharp against the sweat soaked cotton of my shirt. My senses suddenly felt out of control, the smell of puke and the crisp sound of shoes breaking the ground up ahead were so clear, I felt a predatory ferocity light up in me. I was going to either destroy him, or he was going to destroy me. Or so I assumed at the moment.


I forced myself up again, dirt caked down my legs and hands, I glanced down at myself a moment, a small line of blood had soaked through on one of my knees, I couldn't feel it. The sound of Coles voice makes me look up again, I see him running towards me and I react immediately, swinging around I ran for the truck again. I knew I couldn't out run him, I'd learned this many times over with our play fighting, I could run for everything I was worth, but that bastard was twice as fast. I was so close, the silver handle on the door was extremely bright, the moons reflection seemed to make it blaze like a beacon, so close...


I could feel Cole move past me, his body slipping around mine with an animal's reflexes, I managed to stop myself just before colliding with him. I wish I could have hit him then, beat him into the side of the car until everything in the world ceased to mean anything. But that wasn't the man I was, instead I turned away from him, screamed something inaudible and just sobbed. I knew he'd spoken to me...Wait...wait for what? My mind moved slowly through the panic and pain, and tried to make sense of the simplest of words. I finally gathered the strength to turn around and face him, my brown eyes turning to face not Cole...but his gun. It was all I saw at that moment and I pulled back farther from him, my rage bubbling up once again, more as a defence than anything. "What am I doing out here? That's fucking hilarious Cole, WHAT AM I DOING?" As I scream the last of the words at him with as much hate as I could force up, my eyes met his then.


I immediately felt the change in me as I did so. This man in front of me was Cole...my boyfriend, the man I just a few days prior had held in my arms, who made coffee for me every morning and sometimes even brought me breakfast in bed like some old gentleman. I listened to him question me again, this time I can only choke out a response. "I thought..." you were going to abandon me again... "you were cheating." It almost felt silly now, the truth had been so much worse than I'd prepared for. Then he mentions the shoe, and I glance at my hand, the red heel had imprinted into my dirty palm, I hadn't even realized I'd picked it up again after I'd gone down...I couldn't remember. "I dunno, are you? Going to drag me off too?" The words were spat out with anger, my hand gripping the show tighter.


"NO." I yelled back at him as he stepped towards me, his words were meant to sooth the situation, instead all it did was anger me more. As he took another step closer, in reach now, I brought the shoe around as hard as I could, slamming it over the side of his head with a shriek of terror. Fighting back always seems like a good idea until you actually do it, and then the realization that he's going to be really fucking mad now kicks in. "SHOVE THE RED SLIPPER UP YOUR ASS!" I ran as fast as I could around to the passenger side of the truck, grabbing the handle I pulled for all I was worth, but to my great misfortune, I'd had it locked. Oh, the glory of the old manual doors. The effort of my pull had been so dramatic, that I over corrected myself and fell backwards into the dirt roadway. With a loud flump, I gasped.

CARSON BENEDETTO
Human | Drag Queen | 32 Years Old | Heart's Taken

Lyrics from Carousel by Melanie Martinez, character by fayrii, html by nook <3