The world is a bleak place to me now. I wake up in the morning and go hunt down some breakfast, walk the streets looking for something to do and then I find myself some lunch and sit by the docks people watching until night fall. Then I return to the small apartment building I've been calling home and I retire for the night. I have nightmares of Raven's face telling me she never wants to see me again and images of Frost killing her float through my head. I usually wake up curled in the fetal position with dried tears on my cheeks and then I repeat the same process day in and day out. I've been trying my hardest to avoid Frost since that day and I wait for him to call to me, expecting me to report like a pack member should but he has yet to figure out that my words left me free of his authority. I did not agree to join his pack, only to leave with him. I am still without a pack and I intend to stay that way for as long as possible. I don't need more people to disappoint, more people to hurt.

I find myself rising early today with the darkness still invading the outside world. It feels more like an alternate reality with the street lights still going but hardly any people out save early morning joggers and those getting out to work. I've been slacking on getting back to the cafe to take my part as Alexander's barista but I lost heart after the day I watched a stallion reduce my best friend to nothing more than body parts that shatter and eyes that pierce the soul. She broke me that day just as he brought something else to life inside of me. Raven hates me now and I know she was the closest thing I've ever had to real pack or family. She was a sister to me and now she can't stand the sight of me. I've been avoiding the west side and her pack territory like the plague, anything to keep drama from stirring up. I was trying to bury myself in the cafe job but when I reported for work one day, I found out it was closed temporarily while Alexander was away. I grew disheartened because the sign didn't say when he was going to be back or even if he was planning on coming back. Did I lose a budding friendship as well? That hurt more than I thought it would.

And since then I've been avoiding the cafe too, even though I miss the home-like smells of hot chocolate cooking and the tender memories of the night I took shelter with him during a storm. But this morning I find myself on the other side of the street from the cafe, watching the first morning rays travel down the front of the building until it lights up the glass windows of the cafe like a christmas decoration. So beautiful. My whole body stiffens though when I feel someone behind me. I can't get a whiff of them yet to know who it is but I can feel someone looking at me, the hairs on the back of my neck standing at attention. I cross my arms in front of me, making a show of rubbing my forearms as if cold but the morning sun feels warm and good on my bare skin. I chose a thin camisole and a flowy skirt I found that I liked the feel of between my fingers. It's been a while since I've indulged in my more girly things that Nadya bought me that day she took Raven and I shopping but today I was wanted to feel...well, like a girl. I put some plain red flats on my feet though because I can't stand the slope of those things they call heels. And how would I be able to run in them?

I'm about to turn and demand to know who's watching me but then I hear that voice and I would recognize it anywhere. Unbidden, a soft smile tugs at my lips as I slowly turn to face the voice, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ear as I tilt my head a little and fix him with happy eyes. "Alexander...you're back." The words come out in a giddy breath even as I walk toward him. I know the polite thing would be to stop in front of him but today I just want to feel safe for once and I remember that when I was with him that day in the storm, I did feel safe. And so I walk to him and without warning, I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his warm chest. I stand there for a moment, just drinking him in, a soft sigh of contentment dripping from my lips as I whisper. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again."

alexis wilde