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His expression looked sober when she told him he wouldn't understand. She felt bad for just cutting him down like that but it was already obvious their backgrounds were clashing. He obviously saw nothing wrong with using the wall for support whereas she saw it as only a crutch that others would laugh about. This human world was still so new to her. She only told Frost and Henry how inferior she felt most of the time, how stupid she felt. And she hated feeling that way. It went against every stubborn bone in her body to be looked at as not good at something. Maybe that made her shallow but it was just the way she was built. Growing up as a coyote was comfortable for her. She knew what to do, how to survive, how to thrive. As a human, she was in the dark most of the time and felt lost and confused. She wanted to get as far away from that feeling as possible. He didn't give up on it like she expected though. Instead he said he could only understand if she explained. She bit her lip and looked around. Of course it looked like no one else even cared about them, but it still felt so public, so open. She gave a heavy sigh. "I only found out I was a Were a few months ago. I was stuck in my Were form for years. It was all I knew. That was my childhood, as an animal. I know how to be an animal. The first time I shifted.....it was scary as hell. Ever since, I've worked so hard to fit into this new world. Most of the time, I feel lost, trapped. I hate that feeling." She bit on her lip again. She looked around but again, no one was looking at them. And talking was actually keeping her calm which was helping her skate better. She wasn't even thinking about it anymore. Her feet were just moving of their own accord. She was even going a little faster. She exhaled again, long and slow before meeting his gaze again. "I know it may seem normal to you, to anyone else who has lived in this world their whole life. Using the wall, the rail, depending on something or someone else to get by. It's human nature. But it's not MY nature. In my world, depending on something or someone else will only get you killed." She searched his gaze, willing him to try to understand that point of view and hoping he wouldn't judge her too harshly for it. She was surprised she'd even opened up to him like that. It wasn't like her. There was just something so warm and trusting about Ashton. She appreciated the fact that he still stayed close. He didn't have to. He could skate circles around her, literally. He could leave her to struggle and have her prideful moment but he didn't. That spoke volumes about him as a person and a man. And it was working for Malia, big time. Which was probably pretty obvious when she suddenly found herself up against his very warm, very chiseled chest. Her heart was racing and her breath was practically coming in pants and it wasn't from the skating. But he didn't have to know that. But somewhere in the back of her mind, right when she was ready to melt into it, a tiny voice said that she didn't know him, not enough. So that's when her protection instincts kicked in and she pulled away, pushing herself back. She hated the look in his eyes when she did that and told him she had it handled. She knew what would have happened if he hadn't been there to catch her. She knew she would have been hurt and it would have been her own fault. But she had to be strong. She couldn't just trust him. He wasn't a pack mate or a friend she'd known for a while. When he turned to leave the skating rink, she reached out but fell short, her hand closing on air. She bit down on her lip, enough to draw blood, but she knew it would heal shortly. Before he could see though, she started skating again, trying to look like she was fine, like she'd never tried to reach out. She could feel his eyes on her the whole time so she stared at her feet, though her mind was anywhere but on her skating. Still, she was calm enough for it to still go smoothly. She wobbled and then straightened herself back up. After she'd gone a few laps, she made up her mind and made her way to the exit of the rink. She gingerly made her way over to the bench and plopped down beside him. "It's no fun by myself, you know." She nudged him with her shoulder, offering a smile before her expression sobered. "Thank you, for doing this. For taking me here, for dancing with me, for talking to me. It means more than you'll ever know. I know...I'm not an easy person sometimes. I'm selfish and obnoxious and I speak my mind waay too much. I'm also not one to trust easily." She searched his expression, hoping that cleared some things up. She sighed and looked down at her feet. "I have a feeling I'm gonna have blisters after this." Her lips twitched in a smirk. |